Because of you: Never Ever

Shattered Serenity

Today is the day my husband is leaving for his trip. I went and worked on Khodie's picture for while and it was getting late. Now I'm preparing a nice candle lit dinner for my husband. I was making his favorite roast chicken and greens and corn bread. After cooking everything I went upstairs and took a quick shower. I brushed my hair into a low bun and I put on a red dress and black heels. I fixed both of our plates and I waited for him. And I waited for him.

Thirty minutes turn into and hour and an hour turned into three hours. I blew out the nearly burnt out candles. I took my heels off. It was now about nine o'clock at night. I hear the front door open and I got up and folded my arms acer my chest. "And where have you been all damn day?". "Awe babe I was working but you cooked for me that's so sweet". "Yeah it was sweet wasn't it". "What's with the attitude".

"The attitude I so call have is because your late. You usually get home around five or six. You usually call or text me when your gonna be late".  "I know babe and I'm sorry I got caught up". "You better not be playing me I swear Channing. Three fucking hours". "I'm not playing you Nai". "Well what were you doing then huh tell me". "I was at work and uh I um..". "Mhmm I can already tell your about to lie. Tell me the truth now". "Fine I was at the bar with Trey".  "At the bar with Trey always at the bar with Trey". "You need to chill your pregnant remember".

"Oh right I need to chill... your ass should have came home to spend time with your pregnant wife before you leave today". "I know and I'm sorry babe i was just stressed out". "Why are you stressed out". I sat on the arm of the sofa in front of him. "Just a lot of stuff not going my way babe". "Well you could have came home and talked to me instead of hanging out with Trey". "I need him sometimes I can't talk to you about everything". "But you should be able to though Channing I'm not understanding your logic but whatever I'm going to go to bed". "But bae I just got home". "So your ass should have been home three hours ago and clean this shit up. Now how about that". I stormed off upstairs to our bedroom and put on a big shirt and got in the bed.

I woke up with a headache. The doorbell rang. I knew it wasn't Reyna because she has a key. I walked down stairs and i answered the door and it was Khodie. I looked crazy my hair was all over my head and I just had a tshirt on. "Uh what are you doing here?". I tried to smoothed my hair out into a pony tail. "Uh I was coming to check on the progress on my picture and plus I was in the neighborhood". "Oh uh come in I'll be right back close the door behind you". I went back up stairs and put some shorts on and brushed my teeth and such. My iPhone ding with a reminder message about my labor and delivery class. Dang I completely forgot about it. I called Reyna but she didn't answer and my so called husband is gone.

I grabbed my mac book and I pulled up the picture and I brought it downstairs to my living room where Khodie was. "Here it's not completely finished yet but damn near finished". "It looks dope". "Thanks. Uh can I ask a favor?". "Sure what is it". "Well I need a partner for my labor and delivery class this morning and I have no one but you can decline if you want to. Can you be my partner". "Uh yeah sure it's the least I can do". "Awesome well let me go get changed. And we can go".

*****
Janai walked down in black leggings and a form fitted purple tshirt and purple sneakers. She looked beautiful she was glowing. "Come on we can take my car". "Thanks Khodie lets go". She locked her house up and she plugged in the address to the place in my gps. "So how are your dad? I haven't talked to him in a while". "Uh he's really good he's better than ever". "That's good what about Charlie?". "She's good we actually talk now so that's good and I have a step sister named Ella she's dope". "Hmm when did that happen". "My dad and Isla were hiding her. You know there was a lot going on around that time". "Yeah you right".

In class Janai was laying against my chest and I was rubbing her belly and we were practicing her breathing. "Your really good at this Khodie". "Thanks.. are you nervous about having your baby?". "Uh yeah I mean isn't everyone. Why haven't you started a family yet I know you want one". "Mm I guess I haven't found the right person yet". "What but you and Cymia are best friends how can she not be the right one?". "Because sometimes just because it seems perfect doesn't mean it is perfect. I love her and all but I'm in love with someone else". "Well you can't keep stringing her along that's not fair. As a friend I think you should just tell the other girl how you feel and tell Cymia you love her but your better at being friends".

"You know your right Janai". "I know I'm always right". "Janai...". She turned around and got in a birthing position. She had her arms around my neck and she was on her knees. "Yeah what's up". She smiled at me. "I love you". "I know.. I love you too". "You do?". "Yeah I do". I smiled at myself when she said that.

After the class we got in the car and I drove her home. "So what does this mean?". "What?". I turn the car off and I faced her. "I love you and you love me". "We just love each other but Khodie I'm married I took vows and I have to stand by them". "Why are you married to that fuck boy anyways". "Well he was there for me after you broke my heart and my dad loves him and if he never would have knocked me up I probably wouldn't have stayed this long but daddy wanted us to get married". "Do you love him?". "Yes". "Are you in love with him?".  "I don't know how to answer that. I'm in love with the thought of him. I'm in love with the way he treats me. But could I ever fully be in love with some one no.".

"Why not". "Because you scared me for life. I can't even trust anyone because of you. You hurt me to the core". "I know and I'm sorry". "Like why would you do that to me. Can I have an answer please? I've been wondering for years". "Nai i...".

There was a long silence. "Khodie answer the question please". "I did it because of your dad because I wanted you to be happy". "But I was happy with you I didn't care what my dad thought. I wanted you we could snuck around or anything but you didn't fight for me the way I would have fought for you and that's not fair". "That day killed me okay all wanted was you. I still want you. With out you I just exist and I want to live". I caress her left side of her face and I lean in and I kissed her. She deepened the kiss and grabbed the sides of my face. She was crying as she kissed me. "What's wrong?". "Why do we do this to ourselves. Knowing that we will never be together again". "I don't know". "I'm gonna go okay". "Okay". I kissed her forehead and wiped her tears. "Bye Khodie". "Bye Janai". I watched her get out of my car and disappear into her house.