Because of you: Never Ever

Restraint

I rolled over and I kissed Khodie's forehead. "Good morning beautiful". "Morning J". "I have to get going but I'll see you later today okay". "Where are you going? I want you to stay with me". "I know but just like you I haven't seen the girls in a while so I'm gonna go spend time with them". "Okay well I love you". "I love you too". 

I drove home and as soon as I walked inside the door. Shit just hit the fan. "Where have you been all night Janai?". "Daddy I'm okay. Just chill I was with Khodie". "You are not the see her did I not make myself clear". "Dad you can't tell me who I can be in a relationship with".

"Janai call her now and tell her that you will not see her ever again and that your straight and that you hate her". "No I will not". "Janai now or I will call your therapist to turn you over to the institution". "Daddy now are you really gonna stoop that low".

"I'm serious do it now". I started to cry. Why was my daddy being so evil. Why can't he just accept me for who I am. I pulled out my phone and I called Khodie's phone.

"Hey babe". "H...hey". "Hey what's wrong why does it sound like your crying?". I looked over to my dad and he just stared me down. "I don't want to see you anymore. Leave me alone. I'm not gay I'm straight. I hate you for making me this way bye". I hung up and I threw my phone at him. "Are you happy now" I ran up to my room in tears and I just collapsed on my bed.

****
What the fuck just happened. She was just telling me this morning that she loved me and now she hates me? I'm beyond pissed. I went downstairs and my dad and Isla was in the living room. "Hey I'm about to head out". "Do you still want me to talk to Janai's dad?". "No don't worry about it". "You sure because if anyone has a problem with you they have one with me". "Nah I'm good dad I'm gonna meet Ryan at the studio".

"Well okay I'm glad your being productive I like to see that". "Thanks dad". I grabbed my coat and keys and I drove to the studio to meet up with Ryan.  This just seems completely odd to me. I turned my car off and I just sat there for a minute.

I walked inside and there was music blasting. Ryan greeted me with a hug. "What up bro". "Hey Ko". "What you working on". "Something for us it's gonna be lit". "Yeah dat way".  We started to write and record it was fun. It really took my mind off of Janai.

Me and Ryan was so hype we were dancing to the track. My ponytail swaying side to side. We were jumping around. "Hey" I heard a voice and I turned around. It was Janai standing there all red and puffy like she's been crying.

My whole demeanor had just changed. I was pissed all over again.  "What do you want?". "I want to talk". "Well I don't want to talk to you". "Please just listen. I can't sleep or eat".  "Janai I don't care. I can't be with you. I've came to that conclusion". "What? But I love you. My dad made me do that. I didn't want to but he threatened me". I walked up to her and I took the engagement ring off of her finger. "Give me my damn ring back".

"Why should I? Your dad doesn't respect me and you won't stand up for our relationship. I just don't feel like we should get married". "Why not I love you I would do anything for you. My dad threatened me to tell my therapist to send me to a institution for crazy people". "Are you serious?". "Yes I didn't know what to do".

I didn't know what to do? I mean honestly I'm kind of over the back and forth. We been having problems like no one wants us together.  Maybe we shouldn't be together it's gonna be hard but I can't keep lying to myself. It's going to be hard to say.

"Well maybe we shouldn't be together. That's solves both of our problems". "Seriously". "Yes maybe we should brake up. It's not an easy thing to do but your dad would be happy". She started to cry and walked up to me. "Please don't do this". She tried to grab me but I pushed her away. "It's done. We are done". "Fuck you" she pushed me and stormed off.

I put my head in my hands and I cried. "Bro did you have to be so heartless". "I did it for her not for me. Later she will understand".