Because of you: Never Ever

Paper trails

The next day I woke up and Khodie was still here. "Good morning. How are you feeling?". "I'm fine I guess". "Well your parents are on their way to the hospital". "Okay that's good". "Your gonna start therapy today". "Oh joy I just love therapy" I rolled my eyes at her.

"You said you would do this for me". "I know what I said Khodie but it doesn't mean I have to like it". "Fine".

Janai's mom walked in the room and this light skinned tall man followed behind her I assume that's her dad. He looked at me and frowned his eyebrows at me.

****
My mom was kissing my cheek. "What the hell is wrong with you Janai. I had to hop on a plane to come here to find out that you tried to kill yourself again". She said as she plop down in the chair by Khodie.

"Wait.. again Janai you did this before?" She questioned.
"If you must know yes I did I overdosed on some pills but I'm fine".
My dad sat by me and he rubbed my cheek, "baby your not fine. I feel like it's my fault because how I treated you growing up. I feel like I made your condition worst. I am truly sorry. I was strung out and I was gone  into this bad world where it was okay to treat you like that. If your gonna get better sweetie you need help".

"I'm with your dad babe". He turned around to Khodie, "And you are?".
"Oh I'm Khodie I'm Janai fiancé it's finally nice to meet you sir". "Right" he looked at my mom then back to me. "Dad I told Khodie I would go to therapy".

"Janai sweetie you've been going to therapy. Looks like it's not working maybe you need stronger meds or something".

"No mom i hate my medicine it makes me feel all weird". "Well we need to come up with something". "Let's just try to the therapy first mom. Take one step at a time. Plus if Khodie says she loves me like she says she does then she will help me through this". "I hear you".

****
My dad was blowing my phone up because it was time to move on to the next city. I don't want to leave Janai at least not like this. I put my phone back in my pocket and I just looked at Janai. I'm not ready to leave her. "What's wrong?". "Uh I have to go now. My dads been texting me".

"Oh okay well you can leave. I'll be fine".
"What? No bae I can't just leave you not like this". "Khodie I'm fine my parents are here. You have a job to do. Plus I'll be out of here in a week. I'll come meet up with y'all when I get out okay".

"You positive?". "Yes now you go and have a good concert okay". "Alright then I'm gonna call and FaceTime you every day okay". "Okay". "I love you". "I love you too". I gave her a kiss and I grabbed my bag and I left the hospital.

****
"So.. are you serious about that girl?".

"Yes dad I am" I sat up in the bed.

"There's no boys you can serious about?".
"Omg dad. It doesn't matter if she's a girl all that should matter is that she loves me and she makes me happy and treats me good. You should be happy I'm engaged to a wonderful woman who just wants to make me happy for the rest of my life".

"Uh okay I don't know if I like this too much Janai but I guess I'm going to have to get us to it".
"Khodie had dropped off your suitcase if you want to put your clothes on. Dr. Dean will be here soon".  "Fine I'll go get ready".

About a half hour later Dr. Dean gets here and she sits across from the bed. "Okay Janai the last time we talked you said you had an episode because you were stressed out. Yes?". "Yes we did".

"So you tried to kill yourself? Why?". "I just didn't want to live anymore". "What lead to that decision?". "Uh me and Khodie were arguing". "Why were you guys arguing? What happened?".

"She went through my purse and found my pills. She didn't know about my disease. I was never gonna tell her. I felt like a deer in head lights. She looked at me so differently. I blacked out but I don't know what I did but she looked scared of me and I'm just tired of living like this everyday".

"You need to learn to cope with it. Don't you think it's selfish of you to want to kill yourself".  "No why would you think that?".

"Well your parents and your friends and Khodie would miss you deeply and that would put great pain on their hearts for a long time". "I don't know I mean I guess. I never thought about how they would feel".
"Maybe you should. Janai I've watched you grow up your entire life. Your the sweetest most genuine, smart girl I've ever met but you make dumb decisions. You have a great life in front of you and you can't see that. You to embrace what you have and live a life that's pleasing to you".

"I hear you Dr. D". "I'm glad you do but I will be going up on the dosage of your medicine". "Do you have to? Please don't". "I can't let you do this again. Maybe the next time you would really succeed. I can't have that". "Fine!". "Okay great session. I will be back in two days and Mrs. Diaz this her prescription you can go fill it today". "Thanks Dr. Dean" my mom told her.

Great I can't believe this shit bruh. I'm going to be a walking zombie before you know it. I will be just existing and not living. I hate living this way I wish I was normal.