History

Chapter 10 - I'm Not Ready

Lydia climbed into bed, it had been a long night and she was exhausted, snuggling under the duvet she soon felt Sam's arms around her as he began to kiss her neck, pushing himself closer to her he eased the brunette onto her back, all the while continuing to kiss her neck and up onto her face, Lydia attempted to respond to his kisses as his lips met hers but for some reason she couldn't get into it, something was holding her back.

Sam's hand wandered under her pyjama top and before she knew it he was undressing her, before long the couple were making love, it was the same routine, the same way each time Lydia thought as he moved on top of her, there was no romance or foreplay or making her feel special before the main event, she tried hard to remember the last time they had been intimate, she knew it had been a few weeks at least, maybe even a month. Was that normal for couples that had been together as long as they had she wondered.

They were both very busy people but surely other couples found the time she asked herself. If she was honest with herself it didn't bother her much that they weren't intimate often she didn't really think about it much she realised,  come to think of it was it even normal that while her fiancé was making love to her she was lying here thinking these thoughts, shouldn't she be lost in the moment she questioned herself.

Sam whispered to her pulling her from her thoughts. "Lets have another baby" he said. Lydia was startled, "Wouldn't it be great if you got pregnant tonight" he added. Panicked Lydia sat up pushing Sam off her and jumping out of the bed, Sam sat up to face the brunette "What's wrong" he asked shocked at her behaviour.

Feeling exposed Lydia grabbed her housecoat from the bed and wrapped it around herself, running her hand through her hair she replied "You want a baby, is that what this was about tonight? you want me to get pregnant?"
Sam smiled "Would that be so bad?" he asked
"Yes, of course it would be bad" she screeched
Sam moved to the edge of the bed and reached for her hand "Why? You're about to be my wife and we already have Gabriella, wouldn't it be nice to give her a little brother or sister?"
Lydia pulled her hand away and took a step back, she needed to create some space between them, the feeling of being trapped washed over her once more "I'm not ready for that Sam, you cant just decide that stuff its got to be what we both want" she said
"If I wait for you it will never happen" he scoffed
"What's that supposed to mean?" she retorted
"Nothing, forget it" he sighed
"No, if you have something to say then say it"
"You really want to know?" he asked raising his voice a little
"Go on then" she prodded.

Sam got up from the bed and began to get dressed "You're never ready, I've talked about a baby for years now since Gabriella was a toddler but you always dismiss it we don't even talk about it, its always the same excuse, I'm not ready" he shouted "In fact its your response to everything" he added
Lydia shook her head "You cant force someone to be ready Sam, its never been the right time we've always been so busy"
"Oh yes that's right you're busy" he replied getting louder "That's all I've heard since you opened the store, Sometimes I think its all you care about"
"How can you say that, you know how hard I've worked to make the shop a success for our family" she replied shocked at his words
By now Sam was fully dressed and was searching around the room, pulling his shoes from under the bed where he had kicked them off earlier "No you've got the store for you, you don't have to work our family is secure I make sure of that," he said
"You know I don't want to be one of those women that relies on her husband for everything Sam"

Sam came to stand in front of the brunette, his voice now lowered "That's just it" he said staring straight at her "I'm not your husband, not yet anyway" he added
Lydia frowned "You know what I mean"
"No, no I don't, I've been your fiancé for over 10 years now, why haven't we set a date, why aren't we married already?" he asked
Lydia opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words
"Exactly" he said "That's my answer right there, I suppose its better than the usual I'm not ready excuse that you've given me for years. I don't think you'll ever be ready to marry me Lydia" he added
The couple stood there in silence for a few seconds, Lydia had no words, she was shocked that Sam felt this way, he had always seemed ok with the way things were between them, yes he had asked her about a date a few times over the years but had always accepted that she wasn't ready or that they were busy.
Sam walked towards the bedroom door, "where are you going?" she asked him
"Out, I need some time alone" he replied without looking back, opening the door he quickly walked out as Lydia stood there listening to his footsteps on the stairs before the loud banging of the front door slamming behind him.

Lydia slumped onto the bed thinking about what had just happened, she'd had no idea Sam felt like that, she thought they were fine, that they were happy but obviously he had been hiding his true feelings.

Reaching for her phone from the bedside table she unlocked it and began to type a message to Sam telling him to come back home when suddenly she stopped before sending the text, maybe it was best if they had some time apart tonight she thought, yes she told herself it would be a good idea if they both had time to calm down and then they would see what was important in their relationship.

It was just a silly argument she told herself as she put the phone back down and climbed under the covers, reaching over she turned off the lamp and lay there in the dark, her eyes closed as she tried to fall into a sleep but her mind replayed the events of the night over and over, only it wasn't Sam that was filling her head, tonight one man was taking centre stage in her thoughts and it wasn't her fiancé, wherever he may be.