Thin Ice

Weak

       The next day, we had to go back to my uncle's house. This time, I wasn't going to let him hurt Aileen or Aidan. My uncle made me promise that I wouldn't tell either of my parents about what he did to me, and I didn't. The minute we got there, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. My chest felt heavy and I could barely breathe.

       I quickly said goodbye to my dad, then ran to the upstairs bathroom. My uncle was out somewhere, so we were going to be home alone for a while. I did something I now regret. I locked the door, grabbed a razor, and got in the bath. I was just praying that the next two weeks would go by quick. I couldn't stand the abuse, the starving, the constant overwhelming fear that something bad could happen at any minute. I just let the water from the shower run, as I sat there; slowly breaking. I cried loudly, I knew that Aidan and Aileen could definitely hear me from the other side of the door. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't, the pain was getting worse and worse. It got so bad that I couldn't breathe. I started coughing and gagging, I almost started throwing up. Not that it would've been a bad thing. "Fuck. Just breathe already." I said under my breath.

       After like 15 minutes of breaking down, I finally tried drying myself off. I covered my mouth with my towel and took a deep breath in. I looked into the mirror to see myself with bloodshot eyes. I hated myself. I thought of myself as fat, and absolutely hated it. I sighed. I threw on an overgrown T-shirt and some basketball shorts. When I reached for the handle, I noticed how shaky my hand was. "Stop it." I clenched my teeth and got to courage to unlock and open the door.

I wasn't expecting to see Aidan and Aileen sitting outside the door. Aidan had tears running down his face, I felt like I had just failed my own brother. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Aer?" He said in a quiet voice. Aileen hugged me, not caring if I was still damp from the water.

"Because it's what I deserve."