Im Only Human

First Kiss

Mac's POV

Me and Niall are sitting on the couch together when Nat calls.

"Hey."

"Hey! How's the date going?"

"It's going good. We're watching a movie at the apartment and he cooked dinner. what about yours?"

"It's amazing. I'll give you details later." I laugh a little. "Mac," she says.

"Yea."

"Why did you invite Jackson over today?"

I should've known this subject would come up eventually. "Cause I wanted to see him. I miss him." Niall looks away from the tv and looks down at me.

"I know but he's no good for you. Please don't let him back in. Please."

"I'll try." I say and hang up.

I look at Niall and our eyes meet. Can I trust him?

"That was Nat." I tell him. "She asked how our date was going and about this morning."

He nods his head a little and looks back at the tv. There is a sort of tension in the room.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No. Just that your ex isn't my favorite person."

"Yea not a lot of people like him."

"Then why do you?"

"I don't know. All I can tell you is that he was my first love. Feelings do to away that easily." I look up at him. "It was a long distance relationship but I still fell hard for him."

He intertwines our hands. "I've never done that with him." I look down at our hands. "The first time he's even touched me was today and we dated for 8 months."

"Really?" he asks.

I nod my head. "Really. We never kissed, touched, or anything. We talked about it but never did it."

"You never kissed?"

"Nope. Never. I've never even had my first kiss."

He other hand moves my hair out of my face. "How could he stand it? how could stand not being able to be with you?"

"Probably because he had another girl he was spending his time with."

"I would never do that to you." His hand moves from my face to the back of my neck. His face gets a little closer. "Let me love you." He whispers.

Flashbacks from my dream pop into my head. His face gets closer. He's going to kiss me and I know it. Do I let him? I don't know if I should. I've already let him in far enough. If I let him kiss me, it'll lead him on and he'll never leave me alone.

"Please," He whispers. "Let me love you."

He gets closer. I don't want to but a little part of me actually trusts him. So I kiss him.

His face is still inches from mine but I am the one who closes the distance between us.

Both my hands move to his hair and his go to my waist to pull me closer to him. He pulls me onto his lap and kisses me harder.

What am I doing?

My mind wants me to stop but my body and heart don't want to. My hands move from his hair to his chest. His are still on my waist. I feel like I'm flying and I'm scared that if I stop i'll fall.

He stops the kiss and looks at me. Just looks at me and doesn't say anything. My face heats up and I look away from him. I went to far and I already regret it. I pulled him closer when I should've pushed him away.

I climb off his lap and move to the other side of the couch. I put my face in my hands and shake my head. He moves over next to me and starts to rub my back. "I'm sorry." He says.

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have done that and I already regret it. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. I enjoyed it very much."

I sigh. "That's the problem," I sit up and look at him. " I don't want you to. I-I liked it too. But it's not going to happen again."

"Because your scared you might actually have feeling for me."

I shake my head. "Because I don't want you to think we have something when we don't. We never will. It just won't happen. I'm sorry."

He stands up and looks down at me. "We can. You just won't let yourself have feelings for me. I know you do or you wouldn't have just kissed me." He starts to pace and yells,"I'm not him. I won't hurt you. Why can't you understand that?"

"Because," I scream at him. "I can never love again. I'm broken and I know that you think you can just come here fix me but I'm sorry to tell you that, that's not gonna happen. I CANT BE FIXED. THE SOONER YOU FIGURE THAT OUT. THE BETTER OFF I'LL BE." I stand up and push him toward the door. "LEAVE." He looks at me and opens his mouth to say something but I stop him,"NOW!"

He looks as if he's about to say something else but just turns and walks out the door. Leaving me alone with my thoughts and tears.