Im Only Human

August 22nd

Hey guys! so two chapters left. And after this one theres only one. I enjoy all the comments and votes that I've gotten. I would've liked to have more I love to hear what you think....but I'm thankful for having such wonderful readers. I'm not going to make a sequel. Sorry.

I do plan to write another fanfic though. I won't be a Niall one it will all of the boys. Don't know what I'm calling it yet but I hope you read it.

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Niall's POV

It's been two months since Mac's death. Two months. They never did find the body but they did find Jason's. We had a "funeral" for her a few weeks after finding Jason's body. It was pretty much just a gathering of people that came to watch a slideshow about her that Nat had made and they listened to us sing a few songs. The highlight of it was watching me break down and scream her name. It was horrible.

We were sitting in chairs in front of the screen watching videos and pictures of her beautiful face fly by on the screen. Only one video hit me hard.

She was sitting on her bed with my guitar and she started to slowly play it. The notes coming out smoothly. Then she started to sing. She started to sing the song she had written for me.

Tears started streaming down my face immediately. Just hearing her singing those words asking me to "fix her" was enough to make me go mad. I remember standing up and walking to the screen. I touched the spot where her face was and whispered her name. She kept singing.

Everything after that was a blur. I flipped over a table and ripped the fabric of the screen. I picked up the projector and threw it down smashing it. I was trying to get rid of her voice in my head. The voice asking me to fix her. I didn't. I didn't fix her.

I started screaming her name. I started looking around for her. Thinking I would find those green eyes that I fell in love with and everything would be okay. But all I found were the brown eyes of her best friend. Nat wrapped her arms around me and looked up at me. Mascara running down he face and her lip quivering.

"Everything is gonna be ok." She said assuringly. She was stronger than I was.

I fell to the ground and she followed my actions. We sat there on the floor in the middle of the church crying in one another's arms. She kept saying it was gonna be okay.

I kept saying the name of my broken angel.

Ever since that day, I have not been able to listen to music because it will just remind me of her. I can't look Harry in the eye because his eyes remind me of hers. I can't look at her mother because Mac looked so much like her. I don't eat quesadillas because it was the first meal I made her. The only memory I have of her is her voice in my head and my guitar. The guitar she used to play the song she wrote me. The song that never stops playing in my head.

My dreams.

My dreams keep me sane. To me it's like I never really lost her. I see her when I sleep. In a way it's also torture. I see her at night but when I wake she isn't there. Just as she had nightmares of Jackson I have dreams of her. But they aren't violent or hurtful. They're filled with happiness and bliss. It's the only time that I can recall what her lips felt like. What her smile looked like. How her hand felt in mine. They're my small getaway from reality.

Reality ruined my life.

When I'm not sleeping I'm walking around my room talking to myself or crying or worse. I've cut once. Just to see what it feels like. Nat and Harry found out though. They chewed my ass out and told me to stay strong.

I have gotten stronger.

I've learned to accept her death. I've learned to ignore the pain in my chest when something reminds me of her. I've gotten stronger.

I also got my first tattoo.

I really couldn't decide what I wanted, I knew I wanted something that was connected to her, but Harry helped me. I have the words "You &" on my left wrist and the word "I" on my other wrist. Right where my cuts were.

You & I. It's the title of the song I had written for the day we got back together. We were supposed to sing it at the masquerade but thats when the shit hit the fan.

I wanted to tell her that nothing could come between us ever again. And nothing will. I carry her around in the words written on my wrists, in the songs I write at night and most importantly in my heart. That's where my love lives. My heart. And no one will ever replace her.

Now I lie alone in my bed looking up at the ceiling fan as it spins around. Someone knocks on the door and before I ask who it is they walk in.

"Hey Nialler. There's a letter for you." Lou says.

I stand and walk to him. He hands me the letter and closes the door. I sit back on my bed. It's from an address in Florida.

I tear it open carefully and pull out two things. A letter and an iPhone. I take a look at the phone first. I press the home button and HER face pops onto the screen. I unlock it and discover the phone has only three apps. Phone call. Message. FaceTime.

Wierd.

Next I open up the letter. That handwriting... I'd know it anywhere.

It's dated also. 8/20. August 20th. It's August 22nd today. This letter was written two days ago.

Mckenzie wrote this two days ago. She's not dead.