Muscled Mafia Love {manxman}

Chapitre Treize.

Ryan Newman as Maddy Leblanc

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Muscled Mafia Love: Chapitre Treize

Then I realized who I was, who I was with and where I was.

"We have to stop, John." I whispered, pulling away slowly as I turned my gaze to the floor. I didn't know who I was becoming and I wasn't sure if I liked this person. I wanted so badly to kiss him again and give in to my desires but I couldn't. I could not be selfish and take what I wanted and have nothing to give in return. I could not enjoy that sliver of pride and contentment without having something to sacrifice.

"What's wrong?" John asked, the epitome of concern engraved in his voice and I would have been so delighted to know that someone had my best interest at heart but I was too worried about how he would see me after this. I wasn't just a man, no. I was a man who had been born with everything and yet, will leave this world with nothing. I was a man who had seen the fiery pits of hell and gained nothing in return, the hot fire doing nothing to drown out the sound of my cries.

I was the very man who didn't deserve love, for fuck's sake, I didn't deserve happiness. All my life, I had been lying to myself. I always told myself that at the end of the rain, there was a little rainbow with a pot of everything that I've ever wanted waiting for me. By now, I was twenty-eight, and I had already reached the end of the rainbow and alas, there was nothing but an empty pot.

"Lukas, darlin', what's wrong?" The most perfect person I had ever had the opportunity of meeting, put two fingers under my chin so that our eyes would meet, two different colors yet merging into one. "Nothing." I replied with a smile, but it didn't reach of my eyes. "Everything is okay, John." I stared into his hazel orbs, forcing myself not to let any of my emotions be seen in my eyes. 

Perhaps, John Cavanaugh was the closest thing to happiness that I would get. He was as close to the pot at the end of the rainbow, that I would get. I had only known this man for such a short amount of time, but it felt time went by every second he was in my presence. He was the best thing I had ever had. But that would surely fall to pieces once he realized just how dirty I was, how contaminated, how disgusted I felt with myself.

I was a just a mere flea compared to him.

I had hoped that he would be different, but I couldn't bring myself to chase that dream to the end, the fear of being wrong. I didn't want to take any chances because if I did and I ended up being wrong, the only thing that I would be able to do at that point, would be to stare around me and watch as my life fell apart, nothing there for me to do about it. "Demetrios, you're making me nervous." John narrowed his eyes, his usual wear of glasses gone and I was left with nothing that concealed his worries.

"I'm sorry." I grinned brightly, hoping to hide my pain behind my smile. "I just remembered that I had something to do." I nodded enthusiastically but I wondered with every move that I made, if John could hear the sound of my heart shattering, nothing left but an empty beat. "I have to go do it before Ramone comes to get me." I tore my eyes away from him, ripping his arms from around my waist, sighing in relief at the feeling of being free. In his grasp, it felt like I couldn't escape and that I was forced to tell him secret after secret, watching as his face contorted into the very expressions I never wanted to see ever again. 

"What are you talking about?" John furrowed his eyebrows, resting his hands on my shoulders. "Ramone said that today was your day off. He said you were too stressed." He stated and I chuckled softly. I see Ramone has recognized my habits, eh? "Don't worry about a thing that man says." I put my head down to avoid him seeing the incoming tears, mirroring the clash of emotions that I felt. "I have a lot of things that I have to do." It wasn't a lie, I had a lot do. I had to look into that girl that keeps playing on the back door camera.