Muscled Mafia Love {manxman}

Chapitre Dix-Huit.

Jared Padalecki as John Cavanaugh

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Muscled Mafia Love: Chapitre Dix-Huit

It hurt.

Everything hurt. It hurt to open my eyes, it hurt to move. It hurt to think. It hurt to exist.

As I opened my eyes, coming back to the real world, the light blinded me, causing me to hiss and put an injured hand up to cover them. "W-Where am I?" I whispered to myself, noticing how much pain I was in. "God fucking dammit, it hurts!" I screeched, wanting to leap off of the bed. "This will hurt." A voice spoke before a needle was injected into my shoulder and I wheezed at the feeling.

"You're alright, Demetrios." I came face to face with Nikari, who had a smile on her face. "W-Why am I naked?!" I sputtered in fear, scrambling for something to cover me up. Did she see anything? Did she touch anything? Now she would look at me with pity and I didn't want that. "Don't worry about it. You still have on your boxers." She chuckled, putting a hand on my arm and looking at me with something I couldn't distinguish. "You're fine." She emphasized her words and I knew she had seen everything. "Don't look at me like that." I turned my head away, the action hurting my neck. 

"Don't look at me like you pity me or you think I'm pathetic. I have seen enough of those looks to know that it's true." I ignored the relief that I felt when the pain suddenly went away but I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes, knowing what she knows. "Son, I don't think you're pathetic." Nikari walked away from me. "I think you're a man who has seen hell and back and still stands strong." My eyes widened at her words, the emptiness in my chest leaping and filling with something. I looked at her, a smile on her face. 

"I'll be back to check up on you, child. Let your wounds heal for a bit. Shouldn't take them long, seeing as I stitched them up." She waved a hand at me to let me know that she was leaving. "Um, can you please not allow anyone to come in here? I just want to be alone." I muttered, my voice hollow of emotions. She nodded in reply, opening the door to the infirmary. She looked at me over her shoulder, a smile on her face.

"Contrary to what you may think, Demetrios, no one here thinks that of you. Especially that tall hunk of yours. Almost knocked me over when he flew out of here, ready to save you." She snorted, shaking her head as she shut the door, leaving me to my thoughts. I wasn't ready. I couldn't see anyone. I didn't want to take one look at them and know that our friendship was over. I wanted to lie here in peace before I had to get my stuff and leave. Ramone wouldn't want a right hand as pathetic as me. 

It hurt to admit it but I knew it was true. I didn't even want myself, yet here I was, alive and kicking. Why couldn't I just die? What was so important that I had to keep living? There was nothing here for me to hold on to. If this was how my life was going to be from now on, then I don't want it anymore. "I don't want to live without being happy." I whispered softly, staring at my bandaged hands. "It'll never happen though, as long as I live." My voice quivered, full of raw sadness.

It has been so long since I had real happiness. I forgot what it felt like, to be happy without worrying about tomorrow. It was okay though, I deserved it all. I just couldn't help but go back to what Nikari was saying about a tall hunk of mine. Was she talking about John? He was the only tall person that I had talked too, save for Ramone and Raymundo. Did he come, trying to save me?

I smiled at the thought of him, running in determination. "Ah, John." I muttered but then that smile faded away with the quickness of time. He was mad at me so he wouldn't have done such a thing for me. Silly me, putting all my faith in that man who didn't care for me. I knew he didn't feel for me the way I felt for him. But just what did I feel for him? I had never felt anything like this before and it scared me.