Muscled Mafia Love {manxman}

Chapitre Vingt-Huit.

"I had not realized that I had lost everything." -Demetrios Kanzaki

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Muscled Mafia Love: Chapitre Vingt-Huit

I hadn't realized I had lost my will to live in the short amount of time that I had it. I hadn't realized that my happiness was so short lived. I mean, it would explain why I had the idea that nothing lasts forever. If I wanted to be happy and smiling more than normal, something good had to be sacrificed. It just so happened that that good thing was the one thing I wanted the most: John Cavanaugh.

"Demetrios, please stop crying. It hurts to see you like this..." My mother Aurelia trailed off as she pulled me into her soft grasp, my warm tears staining her blue shirt. "Mom," I sniffled, feeling as if my whole world was broken apart and I was the only one standing. "You think you understand how I feel-" She shushed me, pulling me deeper and I could hear her heartbeat which made me shed more tears. John's heartbeat was the last thing I heard and I would never hear it again. "I do understand, my child. It's why it's so hard to see you like this." She whispered and I shut my eyes, wishing it was all a dream. That I would wake up and roll over to the side of the bed to see John on one elbow, staring at me as if I was the best thing that had happened to him when truly, it was the other way around.

But it wasn't. It was the harsh and cold reality that I had to face. "If he only stayed in that closet, I would have been fine," I cried, unable to cope with anything. It was at that moment his heartbeat suddenly died and I could no longer hear the familiar thump, that a part of me died. It just vanished. I felt empty, like a door with a path, a tree without leaves, a heart without a beat. That's when I knew I wasn't imagining things. My best friend, my lover, the one man I had to thank for everything he gave to me, was dead and I had watched him die.

Was it my fault? It had to be. "I just keep thinking that I had I of never texted his mother, he would still be here." I bit my lip, clutching my arms to myself. The world no longer seemed bright anymore, just dull and grey. The sun was never going to shine again and I had to live with that. "Mommy, it hurts!" I wailed, more tears coming out of my eyes and my mother rubbed my head in a soothing way. I broke down, not sure of what to do with myself. I had everything invested in John and now that he was gone, who am I?

Who am I without him?

He was everything to me. In a short amount of time, I had grown attached to him. He made me see purpose in my life when everyone told me I had none. He made me see the beautiful, vivid colors all around when all I saw was monochrome. He made me see the happiness in everything when all I felt and saw was hatred. He changed a lot and that's when I realized I was falling in love. Falling in love with John Cavanaugh.

"All my life," I chuckled miserably, feeling at my wits end. "I wanted someone to come save me from my hell. I wanted someone to make me happy. I had wanted someone to take me out of the darkness and show me the light. Even if I told myself I didn't want it and that I deserved everything I had, I knew I wanted someone to love me." I croaked out, blinking past the tears to see the familiar grey atmosphere. "Demi, what are you talking about?" My mother questioned in confusion, rubbing my cheek. "Ah, I forgot." I murmured nonchalantly. "You don't know." I stated and she lifted me up, staring into my wet eyes. "Know what?" She narrowed her eyes and I didn't have it in me to feel the former bout of fear. I knew she wanted to know and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know but John always told me one thing.

"Nothing is better than the family that has your back. Don't be stupid because of your own fears."

I nodded to myself, a tear slipping out of my eye. Even when he wasn't here, his voice always followed me. Since things in my life were changing, I had to rely on myself now. There was no more John for me fall back on. "You know how I always wore long sleeved clothing even when it was blazing hot outside?" I started, a soft tone in my voice. Aurelia nodded. "You know how I never wanted you to touch me, even the smallest of touches?" She nodded once again and I held on to the helm of my shirt, sure that I was breaking all the rules that I had made within myself. "This is why." I closed my eyes, my cheeks feeling puffy and swollen as I lifted my shirt up, slowly revealing the past I wanted to keep hidden.