something magic happened tonight. with Jenna and Tyler. she realised her love for him. she realised how broken he was. she realised how deep and talented he was. she asked if they could hang out on Friday. which was the next day.
the concert was amazing. they had some great songs! such as ode to sleep, car radio, ruby, holding on to you etc. me and brendon and Sarah and jenna cheered them on like crazy. josh was smiling and was quite confident. tyler was having lots of fun too! after the concert we all went to Taco Bell to celebrate!
me and brendon went home tired af. but we managed to get enough sleep.
I wore this to school:
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we headed to school and as soon as I got in it all started. "she's here!" someone screamed. me and brendon exchanged glances. then the hall was cleared and there was an isle. kayleigh was at the other end. "this is ridiculous!" I rolled my eyes. she walked down, flipping her hair. "this girl is so annoying!" brendon hissed to me. I felt two hands on my shoulder. tyler and josh! "what's going on?" ty asks. "no idea" I reply shakingly.
long story short, she yelled to me about how worthless and ugly I am and that I shouldn't be alive. and then she pulled my sleeves up and I was exposed. and I ran. out of school. hoping that I would just fall to the floor and die.
josh hates me. brendon is sick of me. tyler is annoyed at me. the whole school knows my secret. my dad will be called. scott will despise me.
I had my own spot when I went when I was down. that no one knew about. I sat there sobbing my heart out. I wanted to kill my self so badly. I was on such a high point (or darkest hour, you could also say). I rummaged through my bag. I always had a spare razor blade in my bag in case. i couldn't find it. I screamed in frustration and cried hard.
"looking for this?" I look up and saw josh holding my razor blade. "t-that's mine-" he cut me off. "it's no ones now" he threw it. and he was a good thrower because it was out of sight. "don't bother with that stupid thing. it won't make you feel better" he sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed my heart out.
"Why me josh!?" I sobbed. "because your beautiful. and perfect. and kind. and funny. people want to be like you" "t-that's not true" I hit him lightly. "ouch" he says sarcastically. "stop!" I cried into his arms. "I'm just kidding around babe" Babe. that word turned my sobs into deep breaths.
"that... stupid girl... will get what she deserves" josh says to me, rubbing my arm gently. I winced in pain. "s-sorry. I forgot" he stammered. "it's okay" I whispered. "is that what happened that night? you tried to k-kill yourself?" he asks me. "T-Tyler figured it out on his own" "Brendon was right. If I knew, it would have broken me. But he wish I did now, I could have tried to help-" "it's okay" I assured him.
he took me to his house which was empty. "my siblings go to a different school as we found one nearer when it was time for Ashley to go to school. my parents are at work" he says to me. I didn't reply. he grabbed two bottles of water and a bag of cookies and led me to his room. it was blue and neat. he had a drum kit in the corner, quite a few books, a pile of albums. I put my bag down and looked through them.
"you have a great taste in music" I say. brendon was in a band. panic! at the disco! josh had "a fever you can't sweat", "pretty odd" and "vices and virtues". he also had twenty one pilots self titled, no phun intended (tylers solo album), a shit ton of mcr, 5sos, justin bieber, halsey, vinyl theatre, black veil brides... damn josh!
"thanks" he grinned and put the water and cookies on his desk. he had a nice room. I felt a bit jealous but I shook it off. then I realised. I do like josh...
