but who would date a broken girl? | j.w.d

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he turned round as tears filled my eyes.
"o-of course!" he sat down again next to me. "I might as well talk to you and stuff or else you'll get bored" he says.

"so... let me tell you a bit about me" he started. "my names joshua william dun. I love to dye my hair a lot because why not? I also play the drums which is sick. I like making people happy and my favourite food is chipotle. I love the movie fight club. I love music. tyler is my best friend. I also really like cats. you knew that. I used to eat ants to impress girls" I smiled lightly at that.
"see? I made you smile! your part happy! that's what I like doing" he says.

"I... also have anxiety. I don't talk about it much though" he looked away. I put a hand on his shoulder. "I-i have depression" i felt bad. he was feeling down about his anxiety. I wanted to make sure he knew he wasn't alone.
"I kind of figured it out" he says.
I look down at my lap and nodded.

"I'm going to get some water. need anything?" he asks me. I shook my head. he smiled at me and left the room. I got up and locked the door.

trigger warning; suicide attempts

I emptied my overnight back and opened my bath bag. I took the razor blades out of the little pouch. I threw them on the bed and selected the three sharpest.

one cut, two cuts, three cuts, four.
soon enough, she'll be no more.

josh tried opening the door. "cat?"
I ignored him and carried on slicing my skin with the sharp items. I whimpered in pain as I made every cut. "cat, are you okay?" he knocked. he doesn't care! he just feels sorry for you! that's right. he doesn't care.

"cat! please your scaring me!"
"what's going on?" I heard footsteps.
"cat won't open the door. she's so quiet in there!" I heard the panic in his voice.
"cat?" brendon. I was two days clean. he told me he was proud of me. I ruined it.

"cat, please open the door!" I started to cry quietly. "wait" they both went quiet.
"cat don't cry. it's okay" brendon says gently. "just breath" josh added.
"remember how we practised? you can do it" brendon encouraged me.
"I-i let you down brendon! I'm sorry!" I cried out.

josh pov
"what's she talking about?" I whisper.
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you. unless she's okay with it. it's her secret" brendon says to me. "it's okay" I understood.
"cat. I just want you to know that I care a lot about you" I say.
"y-your just saying that" she cried.
"pretty girls don't deserve to cry" I say.
"but sometimes they want to give up"

"cat, please don't" brendon tried to open the door. "is she okay?" tyler walked over holding a water bottle for her. "I don't-" then something rolled out. brendon picked it up in his palm.
"Tyler, take josh somewhere. I can't let him see this" brendon says, taking a metal stick thing out from his back pocket. "why?" I ask. "because I know you have feelings for cat. and if you see this, it will break you hard"

cat pov
"no!" I cried as one of the razor blades rolled underneath the door. a few minuets later the door flew open. brendon closed it quickly and rushed over to me. "you don't have to talk okay?" he whispers soothingly.
"I'm sorry" the words couldn't come out of my mouth.

he cleaned me up and comforted me a lot. then we heard crying from the next room. "it's probably josh" brendon says. "i didn't know guys cried" I say.
brendon laughed. "everyone cries"
"even you?" "even me cat" he says.

"I-I need to see josh" I tried getting up but I fell into brendons arms. "take it easy" he carried me to the next room. josh was curled up into a ball on the couch, shaking. tyler was comforting him. brendon set me down next to tyler who had red eyes. "please don't do that again" he whispered. my eyes went watery as he gave me a gentle hug.

"c-cat?" it was josh. he threw his arms round me and cried. "I got so scared!"
"I-I'm sorry" I crocked out.
"don't ever scare me like that again!"
"I-I won't" I gently rubbed his back, guiltily.

after about an hour we were all okay. well, I wasn't. but I acted like I was. I shouldn't say that! I'll look like an attention seeker! but tyler had to head home so brendon drove him home. so it was only me and josh.

I didn't want josh to know just yet about my scars. I'm too ashamed. he couldn't know about my life. he was my friend. I couldn't just... pile it onto him. plus, why would he care? I'm no one. I'm just a short girl who no one likes. I'm the broken girl. who would date a broken girl? it was quiet in the room. I didn't like it.

josh turned the tv off and looked at me. I was picking at my nails. "do you want a drink?" he asks me. I shook my head.
"are you okay?" he asks me. I nod. he won't know. "you aren't okay" he says.
"I-I know your not. your smile is fake. you laugh to stop yourself from crying. your broken" he says. I nodded lightly.
"you don't have to talk but know I'm here for you" he gestured a hug.

I fell into his arms, quietly crying.