but who would date a broken girl? | j.w.d

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josh and tyler drove me home. but they did take me to a chipotle store to get some for brendon.

I thanked them, kissed josh and then headed inside. I immediately went to the living room to see brendon sleeping. I smiled and put the chipotle on the table. I went to my room and sat at my desk. I went onto my phone and scrolled through my social media.

There was a picture of me and the gang and Lainie at her party the other night and it had lots of comments of me being a slut and a whore and too ugly to live. I threw my phone down and
cried.

trigger warning; self harm

Your too ugly!
Slut!
Whore!
Prostitute!
Hideous sket!
Gross.

I cried harder and harder. The voices wouldn't stop. Get up. I got up from the chair. Find it. I went to my bathroom and found my secret stash of razor blades. Do it. One. I squealed in pain as I sank the metal into my skin. Two. I cried as i thought of how josh would feel. Three. I sobbed at the thought of Brendon hating me forever.

"CAT? YOU HOME?" I heard him yell. I wiped my eyes and quickly put band aids on all my scars. I put on a jumper that josh gave me and exited. I fell on the floor and acted like I had hurt myself. Brendon walked in. "You okay?" He ran to me. "I just hit my foot" I wiped my eyes and did a fake laugh. He grinned. "You clumsy nerd. Mom said we can order a pizza! Come!" He pulled me up by my hand and we ra downstairs.

"How was school?" He asks as we started eating the pizza. I shrugged. "Sarah told me what happened" he says. Ah. "I swear to go that bitch better not try anything again or else!" "It's okay" I say quietly, daintily eating my pizza slice. "It really fucking isn't! Your my baby sister! I'm not letting her be like that to you!" He gritted his teeth. "I get your angry but please don't be too angry. The pizza will get be very offended" that set him off laughing.

After we ate and cleaned up he went to go take his medicine. I went to the bathroom and ripped the band aids off. I cried in pain as I made new fresh cuts and over lapped any old ones. Then my phone rang. "H-hello?" I said into the phone. "Are you crying?" It was Tyler! "I hit my foot on the side of my bed" "really? You okay?" He asks me. "yeah. what's up?" I asked, wiping my eyes. "Me and jenna were wondering if you and josh would like to go on a double date with us tomorrow!" He says. "Yes! Also how are YOU doing?" I asked him. "Same old same old" he muttered. "Stay alive" I whispered. "You too"

We talked a little more and then ended the call. I put band aids over all the cuts and headed to my room to do my homework. The whole way through I was getting spammed with hate comments. josh called me after a while.

"babe please tell me your okay!" I bursted out crying. "I'm really not!" "do you want me to come over?" he asks. "it's okay" I say quietly. "just please stay strong. call me if you feel down. text me if you need to rant. Skype me if you can't sleep. I love you okay? get some sleep" his voice told me they everything was going to be okay.

"I-I will. I love you too" I whispered. "remember what Tyler said to you. stay strong & live on" "thanks josh" "anything for you. go to sleep now okay?" "okay bye" "bye"

I ripped the band aids off my skin and cried in pain. "CAT?" Brendon! "I feel sick" I lied. Well I did feel sick, it wasn't a lie. Brendon came in to my room. My head was killing, my heart was pounding and my breathing got heavier. "cat calm down okay? count to ten with me. come on" he took hold of my hands and had a sweet tone of voice as he counted with me.

I was calm after that and gave brendon a hug. "if you need anything call me" he kissed my forehead and headed to bed. "night cat" "night beebo"

I went to have a shower after that. I looked at my body. I was so ugly. What did josh see in me? No wonder why people hated me. My gray hair wasn't nice either. Why did I dye it? I never look nice. I'm not good enough. I was disgusting.

After doing some bad things, I got into my pajamas and fell asleep.