but who would date a broken girl? | j.w.d

22

if josh saw the scars on my body from yesterday he would bawl his eyes out and never speak to me again.

I had to hide them. he can't easily see them, I mean they're on my hips. all of mine are usually on my wrists. hence why they're so...scarred. zig zags and all. oh whale.

I got ready into:

I didn't bother covering my wrists. but at the same time, if Olivia or anyone else saw i would get snaked!

I put on tons of bracelets. They hid them well. Lainie woke up a few minuets later as I was doing my make up. I wore full makeup today. She got ready into:

I waited for her to do her make up and hair and then we headed downstairs to get some breakfast.

the chatter was big at the table. as it was the weekend. Scott, brendon, tyler, josh, Jenna & Sarah were all coming to visit me! Lainie seemed a bit nervous. She got visits from her friends all the time though.

She went up to our room so I sat in the corner of the living room drawing oh my hand. Then, a watermelon jolly rancher was thrown at me. I looked up to see... "SCOTT!" I jumped up and pounced into arms. He laughed. "I'm no one special!" "Your my one and only big brother shut it!" I hugged him and held onto him for dear life.

I saw Lainie looking at us sadly smiling from the stairs. Scott set me down and looked over. "oh my god" he whispered. Lainie was in shock a bit too. "I thought you died..." "Scott?" I asked him. "She doesn't know!" Lainie snapped. "Know what?" I ask. "She should know"
"Know what!?" I was getting frustrated.

"we need to tell her!"
"she's not ready!"
"she's 15!"
"she's my baby sister! I haven't seen her for 10 freaking years!"

"what?"
they turn to me. I walked to Lainie. "your my sister?" my voice was high and cracking. she nodded, tears streaming down her face. I threw my arms round her and cried. she did too. Scott was in tears as he joined the hug.

After crying on each other, Scott left as...well after he cries its best if he doesn't see anyone. but before he did we talked. he was leaving the country for a while.

Lainie went to the living room as her friends were there. right on cue, josh walked in. he noticed my tears and ran to me. "what's wrong?" he wiped my eyes gently and led me to the garden.

"Lainie is my sister" I quivered.
"Cat, you have a sister"
I have a sister.

I ran inside and jumped into Lainies arms. Her friends all "awed". "I will continue this later" I got off her and she laughed with her friends.

I went back to josh. "Just gave her a hug" I say, sitting on his lap. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "I missed you" he nuzzled his face into  neck. "same" I whispered, sinking into his arms.

"you smell good" I mumbled.
"really?" he giggled. I nod.
"like...Axe body spray, warm hugs and love" i murmured. "you smell like raspberry candy, bubblegum and adorableness" he whispered in my ear sexily. I melted in his arms. "your so god damn attractive" I turn my head slightly so I could look into his deep mocha eyes. "why thank you. but I think your the most beautiful human alive"

"you make me feel so special"
"you are in my eyes" our lips connected together and slowly synced perfectly. it's like we were the only ones on the planet.

"stop snogging love birds!"
we didn't. we enjoyed the moment till I was ripped away from josh's lips and in the arms of brendon urie. I squealed with delight and squeezed him as he spun me round. "I've missed you girl!" He said in his valley girl voice. "you don't know how long I've been waiting to hear your valley girl voice!"

tyler and jenna and Sarah came running to. brendon set me down and I group hugged the other three. we all sat down in a circle in the garden area.

josh pulled me onto his lap securing his arms round me tightly, tyler and jenna sat leaned against a a tree curling up together & brendon had his arm around Sarah and was holding her close. cute.

"we're so cute" sarah smiled. we all nodded in agreement. "how's is here?" Jenna asks. I shrugged. "a lot of the girls here are rude and try to get with josh. I have two friends" I explained to them about Lainie. "Some redhead called Gemma is really nice as well" "How are the jolly ranchers?" I took out a bag from my bra. "How..." the boys were shocked. I threw the bag only the grass. "Take some!" I say, unwrapping a blue raspberry hard candy.

we ate most of the bag and then the talk was small. the two couples spoke while josh attempted to calm my nerves as I was nervous as shit as some people had weirdly come outside. I didn't want anything bad to happen.

his warm hands rested on my sides near my hips and gently moved his thumb in circular motions against my exposing skin. then it hit me - my scars! I tried to move his hand away but he didn't realise. then his thumb hit a shit ton of scars. he froze. I did too.

I bit my lip. his thumb was still rested on my scars. "are these..." I released myself from his grip and ran inside. I heard my friends calling me and then I heard Lainie. I raced to my room and once I got in, slammed the door and locked it.

I leaned against the wardrobe sobbing my heart out. josh is going to hate me. he won't be there for me anymore. no one will. after what I did.

"cat" a gently voice said knocking on my door. brendon! "I'm not mad at you doll. open up" his voice somehow made me pick myself up and unlock the door. he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

I collapsed into his arms crying. "hey don't be upset" he rocked my gently back and forth. "I-I'm s-sorry" i wept. "hey don't. I'm not mad" he wiped my tears softly with his thumb. "t-they wouldn't s-s-t-top" I whispered.

"I'm not mad! I'm proud of you for keeping strong for so long! last time you did this was two weeks ago. that's a big effort. you always say your weak and can't do shit - you kept strong for two weeks and didn't let the blade win. your the strongest girl I know cat. your my best friend. you know I love you"

"t-thanks" I whispered, wiping my tears. "shall I get josh?" he asks. "i-is he mad?" I asked. he shook his head. I nod. he planted a kiss on my forehead and went out the room.

josh came in and sat opposite me cross legged. he took hold of my shaking hands, calming my nerves. "your a beautiful beautiful girl. your mine. your cute, adorable, funny, sweet... every single thing I guy wants. I think all the time about how lucky I am to be with you. those scars on your beautiful body shouldn't be there. your the most prettiest girl on earth. I wouldn't trade you for anything. remember that your loved by many. people love you and care for you. and don't like seeing you hurt. it breaks my heart to see you crying or upset. please. stay alive. your worth it"

I cried harder as he held me in his arms tightly. "I'm sorry" I sobbed. "anything for you baby girl"