but who would date a broken girl? | j.w.d

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so josh found out that I started cutting again. and he cried. I did too. tyler cried. sarah cried. jenna cried. brendon tried hard not to cry. I kept telling them I was sorry and they kept telling me to stop apologising and that it wasn't my fault that I started to do it again. brendon broke down eventually. I was his baby sister and it was hard if him to see me like this.

I kept quiet the entirety of the day. I didn't want anymore issues. and today josh and tyler drove me home and stayed with me till brendon got back from rehearsal. I kept telling them it was okay but they said they never wanted to see another scar on my body.

I found it sweet so I did my best to make sure they had fun. I got snacks from the kitchen and set up a movie with tons of pillows and blankets. I also ordered Taco Bell for them. I felt really bad.

brendon got back and then they went. I tidied up while he showered. I put some pizza on the table for him plus a glass of Dr Pepper. I sat down with him while he ate ,shirtless and pyjama pants. I went on my phone and texted Sarah for a bit.

"did you guys have fun?" he asks me.
"yeah" I nodded. "how was rehearsal?"
"great!" he put his plate in the sink and washed his hands. we headed upstairs to bed. I got into my pyjamas and went to hang with brendon as he said he had a surprise for me. he sat me on a stool while he sat on his bed and strummed his guitar, singing:

"I feel the salty waves come in
I feel them crash against my skin
And I smile as I respire because I know they'll never win
There's a haze above my TV
That changes everything I see
And maybe if I continue watching
I'll lose the traits that worry me
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
And I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
and I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here
More to the point, I need to show
How much I can come and go
Other plans fell through
And put a heavy load on you
I know there's no more that need be said
When I'm inching through your bed
Take a look around instead and watch me go
Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
and I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here
It's not fair, just let me perfect it
Don't wanna live a life that was comprehensive
'Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea
Now catch me up on getting out of here
So catch me up I'm getting out of here
Can we fast-forward till you go down on me?
Can we fast-forward till you go down?"

I giggled at the last part. "I didn't know what would sound good okay!?" he exclaimed playfully. I gave him and hug and he smiled. "your such a sweet beebo" I smiled. "I know. Stay happy bitch" "I will"

I headed to bed with a smile on my face. But my demons changed it all