i sat down on the hospital bed, waiting for a new doctor to come into the room. Jenna stayed with me because she knew she was the only other doctor, other than Sarah, that i was actually comfortable around and trusted. i am very thankful for her, ever since the first day i have been extremely thankful. she's been like an older sister to me i guess. she's only like, ten years older than me.
a male doctor came in. he was tan and had long brown hair that was thrown up into a bun. he had round cheeks and brown eyes, a respectable height as well. he must of been the same age as Jenna because he didn't look older than either of us. he probably was the youngest doctor i seen.
"hello Jenna! and you, you must be Tyler. i am your new oncologist, Victor."
he reached out an patted my back and gave me a smile. the smile that showed, we-can't-cure-this-cancer-but-we'll-try.
"sick, nice to meet you." he gave me another smile and a nod. it was oddly creepy, but i just went along with it.
"alright! well let's look at these x-rays." Jenna handed Victor the x-rays from a few days ago; Victor looked at them carefully, eyeing every detail of the films. staring at every bit of cancer there is. from my lungs to my heart.
"well, you definitely are in need of new lungs. how are they working for you?"
what the fuck does he think this is.
i scratch my forehead, trying to find the answer he wants to hear. because honestly, my lungs haven't been that bad. atleast i thought so. because that wasn't obviously what was happening since my cancer spread.
"usually i'll start coughing, an then it'll last for minutes. and i'll end up losing my breath or i can feel my heart speeding up," Victor wrote down everything i said, occasionally looking up at me, "and then after coughing for so long, my lungs will start to burn really bad. sometimes i can't breathe, but that's why i'm always on oxygen now," i held up the oxygen tube, "i just been living with this for a few months i guess."
he stopped writing before placing his pen down on his clipboard and looking back up at me.
"alright, well i'm going to take a listen to your lungs and your heart, an then i'll have you explain how your heart feels lately."
he had me lean forward an breath in and out a couple hundreds times, an he also had me cough. which was bad because i ended up needing to calm down for fifteen minutes.
"Victor," Jenna spoke up, "i don't know if it was mentioned earlier, but Tyler had a surgery a little bit ago; his lungs filled up with fluid and we needed to extract it. we put him on some new medication and ever since then he hasn't had any coughing episodes lately. except a few minutes ago, that as the first in awhile."
Victor wrote down a few more things before grabbing a piece of paper with questions on it. he began to ask me questions about my heart. which was basically me describing how breathing a pain more, an how my heart would thump randomly. or how it would skip beats alot more now. which i guess wasn't good at all, supposedly it means the cancer is surrounding the outside of my heart. like the valves an stuff. which is what Tyler has, but him having the less severe.
"so like, what does this all mean an stuff. am i gonna die or something or am i gonna be a miracle child or."
Jenna and Victor looked at eachother; i felt Jenna's hand go onto my back.
Victor sighed an wrote down a few more things.
"Tyler, you have about a month or two left. without a transplant anyways."
i sighed. it wasn't a shocker. i knew i was dying i just didn't know how soon.
"so if i get a transplant i'll live longer?"
"technically yes, but you'll have to get two transplants. separately of course. we would first go after your heart first. it being the more effected organ. we would then wait some time before transplanting your lungs. it's very risky, but it's your best chance. but there is always a possibility that the cancer can come back. it's always a chance. you just have to remember that risk."
i nod, taking in all the new information at once. "how long before the first transplant?"
Victor turned in his chair to get his laptop. he tapped away for a couple of seconds, before placing a pair of glasses on his face an pushing them up the bridge of his nose.
"i added your name to the transplant list for a heart. and since your in a worse condition then most people, you are further up then alot of people. the worse you get, the higher you go up. we want to keep you the way you are now, but the way it looks is that in about a week or two you'll have the first transplant."
i lean forward an rub my eyes. i'm stressed from all these questions and all this new information. it's all coming so fast, an i feel like i have nobody.
even though i have Tyler, who is going through the same exact thing.
we went over a few more things; getting my weight checks and blood taken. a few more sets of questions and i was on my way.
Jenna and I were waiting the elevator when i decided to pop the question.
"i think i'm gonna ask Tyler to be my boyfriend."
i felt Jenna rub the top of my head, an i could tell she was smiling.
"i think i'm gonna tell him that my cancer got worse too."
she slapped my head gently before leaning over to scold me.
"you still haven't told him yet? he's your bestfriend, he's practically your boyfriend already an you haven't told him?"
i groan an rub my eyes, "yeah yeah i know. i have a plan though."
the elevator stops and she rolls me out.
"and what kind of plan is this?" Jenna asks curiously.
i point to the food cart down the hall, "that. i need chocolate pudding later. the one you been meaning to give me for awhile. but bring two, it's part of my plan."
this should be interesting.
i'm about to tell a boy i love that i want him to be my boyfriend, and that my cancer got worse, all while we're receiving chemo.
nicely planned.
not.
