when you see |-/ play the song !!
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i finally got the chocolate pudding i been asking for since day one.
Jenna brought me to my room an told me an Tyler that we would be having dinner before chemo, our appointment was pushed up a bit.
i sat on my bed, twisting the heart monitor wire between my fingers. Tyler was asleep when i came back, so i didn't want to wake him up. he was a heavy sleeper sometimes, which i was thankful for in some situations.
i really wish telling Tyler wasn't an option. but i knew if he was open with me about his illness, i would have to be open with him about mine. he would have to know that i have gotten worse, even though i didn't look like it. he wouldnt be happy, but i know he would be supportive. he would help me get through it. because he is, hes been going through this for longer then i have.
i got up an grabbed some clothes and pulled my IV stand behind me, dragging it towards the bathroom. i brought my phone with me, once again glancing at the screen to notice i didnt have a text from any of my friends or my own mother. which was still depressing, but i was used to it by now. i hooked my IV to the hook in the shower before turning the water on an stepping in.
After taking a shower, i walked out of the bathroom to see Tyler laying on his bed awake.
|-/
"hey Ty, how'd you sleep?" i smile at him an walk over, sitting on his bed an pulling him against me.
"i slept pretty good, missed you though," he cuddles up against me, resting his head on my chest an over my heart, "we get dinner in a few.?"
i give him a warm smile an nod, running my fingers over his shaved head. i lean down an give it a kiss before sitting back up. Jenna came in with carts with our dinners on them. they were different then usual, but each tray had a small cup of chocolate pudding.
"here you go boys!," Jenna picked up our trays as me an Tyler moved apart on his bed, placing our trays in our laps. she set down cups containing water a pills on our tables, "alright boys, i'll be coming with Sarah to get both of you for chemo in an hour." Jenna gave me a wink before leaving.
we sat with our legs crossed as we ate, occasionally looking up an glancing at one another. as minutes pass i can feel myself get even more anxious, but i knew this would have to be the day everything had to happen.
minutes later an we finished eatting, only leaving our chocolate pudding left because i said so.
"Joshie why cant we eat it yet?" he looks at me confused, his bottom lip curling into a pout.
"because, babyboy, i have something to ask and i have something to tell you."
he scoots closer an grabs my hand, linking our fingers together.
"i-is everything a-alright Joshie?"
i didnt want to lie to him. of course nothing was alright, an now he finally needed to know.
"kinda. i have something to tell you, but i want to ask you question first, so nothing is based off of the situation."
he moved his tray over as well as mine an moved into my lap, place his hands on my cheeks.
"its okay, you can ask me anything Joshua."
my name left his lips an made my heart beat faster. my cancer filled, dangerous heart beat for him. it was always him, its been him since i been in here.
"Tyler, ever since i been in this stupid sickening institution called a hospital, everything has been shitty. the procedures the chemo, the food even," he chuckled at the little joke i made, because he knew how right i was, "ever since i been in here i felt like i was missing out. on school and being a teenager an learning how to drive an graduating an applying for college. i mean, my friends haven't talked to me in i don't know how long. my own mother hasn't even been in to see me in weeks. i was sick for months, an then we find out it's cancer. i have cancer an it makes me feel like that's all my life is revolving around. i even felt like i was missing out on love. but that isn't even the case."
Tyler's round cheeks have turned pink from all the things i have said, all the attention he is getting, all the things he is hearing. i can tell he loves it, i can tell he is happy.
"ever since i seen you i felt something. i felt something so different but so right. you make me feel home. you make me feel like i'm not sick. you make me feel like a normal eighteen year old boy who has a crush on something. whenever we kiss i feel something. i feel something so grand an amazing that i never want it to go away. i never want you to go away Ty. i don't wanna live a life like this if i don't have you in it. an even once we beat this, i still want you here."
tears form in the corners of his eyes. i reach up an wipe them away before leaning up an placing a kiss onto his lips.
"so Ty baby, would you like to be my boyfriend?"
his eyes widened and had a certain sparkle i have never seen before. it was beautiful. his lips stretched into a smile, an his face grew red. he practically jumped on me an wrapped his arms around my neck, planting kisses all over my face.
"yes Joshie of course, i wanna be your boyfrien'!"
more an more kisses were pressed all across my face, until Tyler put his hands on my cheeks an pulled me into a kiss.
"you're such a beautiful boy y'know Ty?."
he giggled an ran his thumbs across my cheeks.
"i guess so Joshie, only you say that."
"well you're my babyboy, you're always cute too me."
i placed on kiss on his forehead before looking into his eyes again. it was so peaceful, so happy, so pure. i didn't want to ruin this.
telling him about me getting worse can wait.
"so what'd you have to tell me Joshie?."
i can tell him tomorrow, it can wait.
"oh nothing, i'll just tell you some other time. it's too special an happy right now for anything else."
i reach over an grab our chocolate pudding an plastic spoons. i hand Tyler his, an we both pull off the tops.
Tyler raised his chocolate pudding in the air before saying my name to get my attention.
"Joshie raise you puddin' with me!" Tyler giggles.
i do the same an give him a smile. he is absolutely adorable.
"here's to us Joshie! the two sick boys in a hospital who have found happiness in eachother in a place filled with sadness. i love you Joshie, here's to us!"
we both laughed at one another before dipping our spoons into the pudding. it wasn't as great as a taste as i thought it would be. i only been begging for it since i got here. it's alright i guess, you never like the hospital food.
time passes an Jenna an Sarah come into the room. Jenna gives me a look as if asking if i told him. i shake my head 'no', an she rolls her eyes.
"c'mon boys, time for chemo!" says Sarah cheerfully.
i don't know how you can make chemo sound good.
well, the only chemo that sounds good is Tyler.
Tyler is my chemo. he'll always be my chemo.
always.
