Am I a burden to you? Tell me and I will go away. I don't want to weigh too heavy on your heart and mind.
I just feel awfully lonely. I have people to talk to, I do. I say hello and give a hug. I have awkward conversations and waves of the hand. I have people to talk to, I do. But I have nobody to talk to.
Nobody I can turn to on my worst days. Maybe if I reached out, if I tried hard enough. Maybe. I don't, though. I don't want to worry anybody's pretty little head with my nonsense.
I can count the people who actually want to talk to me on a daily basis on my one hand.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
My days have been on a schedule for a while now.
Sit in the commons alone. If a friend is there, put on a smile and talk about who knows what. Walk to first period with Gabi, arm in arm. Smile some more. Sit alone in first period, talk to no-one. Walk to second period alone, or worse, walk alongside Kyle as he talks to his closer friends. Sit in second period and talk to no-one. Walk a bit with Gabi, more smiles. Sit alone in third period. At this point I am exhausted. Walk to fourth period with Gabe and Mac. Smile more. Band with Kyle. Share my memes with him (best part of the day am I right). Walk to lunch with one of the boys. Eat lunch with the boys, try to join the conversation occasionally. Fail. Talk with Wesley. Have some genuine laughs. Walk to fifth period with Kyle. More awkward conversations. Arrive at fifth period. Listen to Fania and Kami converse. Say a joke here or there, tease Fania a bit. Move on. Sixth period. My favorite class. Sit alone and talk to no-one as usual. It's okay, though, because Mr. Rogina is my favorite teacher. Seventh period. Walk with Gabi. I'm so tired. Say hi to the teacher. Talk to Gabi and Joelle at the end of class, more genuine laughter. I used to play tag with AJ (sorry AJ). Walk home with Wesley and get cheered up a bit. Get home and then who knows tbh.
I fell into a routine, and now I won't have this routine anymore. I like having a schedule. Even a loose one, I just like a bit of routine. Ugh I need to sleep. It's 2 am. Oh Froot loops.
