Hers (Ruby Rose)

26| Cold Water

SHE WAS WRONG.

That night, we received a phone call telling us that Gemma had died after suffering from cardiac arrest. The last thing I said to her made her sad. It made her so sad that her heart began overworking from guilt and shock. Something I inflicted on her.

All the puzzles began to fit. I finally understood why Ruby did not want me to tell Gemma anything that she knew would upset her. She knew Gemma had a weak heart. I wish I found out a different way.

My best friend was gone, and I was to blame.

The pain I felt was as bad as it was when my parents died. When my parents died, I was in shock for several hours, unable to wrap my mind around the fact that I was suddenly all alone and the only member of my family left. And when reality hit, it hit me hard.

The only difference was that when I lost them, I always had Gemma on the back of my mind and that comforted me. I knew I would not be alone. But now, I had no one. I was alone.

I sat in a bathtub, unsure of what to do with myself. The water had turned cold hours ago. All I could do was stare at mirror that showed the reflection of the ceiling. Time went by quickly. Without her.

I faintly heard a knock on the door. The third round of knocks since locking myself in here. Ruby had a key. I knew she did, but she also respected my need to be alone. But I knew it was getting to the point where I was alone for too long.

"I'm coming in, okay?"

I was naked, but that did not matter. It was pointless to worry about some skin. My best friend was dead.

She crouched down next to the tub, her hand touching the back of my damp head. She was staring at me.

My throat became tight and I gasped for a breath. I could not breathe and I wasn't even under water. Instinctively, I reached for the sides of the tub, splashing water overboard. My weak hands slipped and I felt myself fall into the water momentarily.

When pulled up, I started screaming. My screams mixed with the hysteria I was experiencing. I could scream, but I couldn't breathe. It was panic.

I had not realized Ruby had climbed into the sorrow-filled bathtub with me, fully clothes and everything. Her chest against my back, she devoured me in her arms. She forced me to lean back into her, her hand caressing my jaw. I could feel her cheek against my forehead.

My chest was heavy with sadness and I felt it pulling me down. If it were not for Ruby holding me up, I would have drown.

Her thumb ran down my lips as my screams faded into a whimper.

Ruby's voice shook. "I-I'm so sorry, Ellis." She whispered before swallowing a lump in her throat. "I told you that she would be fine. I-I promised-"

I wanted to tell her to stop because I could not bear the pain any longer.

I drew my knees up and sobbed into them. It felt impossible. I could not go on with life without my best friend. I just could not imagine a future for myself anymore, because I always saw Gemma in it. By my side at my wedding. My child's godmother. Everything.

"Ellis," she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I need you to breathe."

My broken voice echoes through the bathroom. "I can't." I sobbed before gasping for another breath.