"Even though you put me through it I'm still gonna hold you down regardless until it finally strikes and there's no more fight left in me love is something I want but it is not something I need from you both our past are dark but that isn't why you would treat me this way hopefully you're not that bad of a person though I am former self of the person you use to know"
Lately I've been thinking I almost killed my children mother while they was in the same house as me what would they have done if they saw my hands wrapped around their lifeless mother throat my mother won't even let me see them I go over there but she won't let me come over unless they sleep I'm sure she think I'm gonna hurt them I never would do that to them but I told Jenna before I'd never hurt her
Maybe I shouldn't have did that but man fuck that I had a hard time while she was gone she prolly was going around fucking niggas I did all this shit for her and she never wanted to come back I loved her but I fucked up now I'm the bad guy Jordan walked in my house I pointed that gun at him he put his hands up in defense I put my glock away
"Nigga you was gon shoot me"
"Nah Jordan I just ain't been feeling myself"
"Did you see her?"
"Yeah man she looked better than ever but I can't help but hate THAT DAMN BITCH JORDAN I HATE HA MANE"
"She ain't that bad you should be lucky she still let you see the kids"
"What you mean why wouldn't she let me see them Jay?"
"The main reason she been through so much shit was because you befo she met ya ha life was dope no trouble no nothin she would risk ha life fo ya"
...
"I mean look August she ain't a bad person think bout it"
This nigga gon say sum real nigga shit and just walk out like he dropped the damn mic I really fucked up ya know ma own mova ain't een tryna let me see da kids but a nigga tired...
"August look at me"
"Jenna what you doing here?"
"I told you I was sorry, but you can't forgive me for my mistakes even though I forgave you for yours"
"Yo mistakes worse than mine"
"I'm sorry August *cries*"
"SORRY FO WHAT?"
*cries
"JENNA SORRY FO WHAT"
"I killed the kids August.."
I started choking her again but this time she looked happy her words were spoken so soft "K-kill me n-now p-p-please even though I'm already dead inside because of you" and she completely turned to dust
I woke up in my bed panting I looked at my calendar today was Sunday maybe I should try to make amends life is to short I hurried in the shower I had a lot planned for today
_
"AT 44 MINUTES TO FOUR A ANGEL WALKED UP TO MY DOOR OPENED THE WINDOWS TO MY SOUL TOLD ME HE THINKS THAT I SHOULD KNOW THATS THERE'S NO SLOWING DO-"
Somebody really gon text me and ruin my song while I'm in the shower I knew it was time to get out I soon dried my self off and checked my phone to see that momma A was just informing me about how my babies doing I really miss them but she stated that I needed a break to enjoy myself a little time is just what I needed
Going to a physiologist is what I really needed I feel so much better talking to someone who knows exactly how to help she says I'm not depressed or nothing that I just haven't found my place in the world and that I don't know the value of Jenna Mikayla Ryans
I haven't felt this happy since me and August first kindled a stable relationship *knock knock* I wasn't expecting visitors so I slipped on a rope going downstairs to answer the door I slowly opened the door and I felt fear come over me
He didn't even bother to look at me he just kept playing with his fingers I was close to closing the door but he put his foot right there so I couldn't completely close the door he finally looked up at me but his eyes were bright hazel color that I hadn't seen since we shared our first laugh together there was a pure glow around him but who knew how long that will last
"...I just wanna talk"
"I-I don't w-wanna talk to y-you"
"Please Jenna talk to me I don't wanna fight anymore"
"No please leave"
"Why can't you understand I'm trying to make amends"
"NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU'RE TRYNA MAKE AMENDS WITH ME BUT NOT ONCE APOLOGIZED FOR ALL THE SHIT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH IM HURT AUGUST WHAT CAN'T YOU NOT SEE *cries* AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU"
"Why are you tryna put this all on me yeah I hurt you I'M SORRY JENNA I'M FUCKING SORRY but you hurt me to YA NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO BEEN THROUGH SUM SHIT but baby please just talk me I wanna make this shit rite"
I let him in the house he sat on the couch I followed him onto the couch and sat down "You say you went through some shit right so what happened August" he took a deep breath like I did when I talked to the physiologist
"Once you left I wasn't right and you know that but after a week or so during this time I wasn't een selling no mo one night while I was sleeping some niggas jumped me fo not havin they money I was beat up bad but Leeya was there and shawty took care of me we was together or sum shit I fucked a few times yeah but she claimed this newborn was mine I was taking care of them both fo months and young bull didn't een belong to me my dad came back *laughs* after abandoning me and ma mova this nigga really think he can just come back running shit he was talkin reckless baby so I had to show ma ass out but he pulled a knife on me stabbed me 6 times I lucky I ain't dead then I ran into you and I thought about how you just left me Jenna I was drinking cause I was hurtin you ain't een ask wus good how ya think I felt"
Hearing his story reminded me of some love and basketball shit when Quincy had problems wit his father "Soo baby girl what happened wit chu"
"August when I left I had no where to go me and the kids had to sleep in abandoned houses for shelters I had only a little money I fed my kids before I even fed myself but James had found me he had us playing house and shit I was his sex slave *cries* and no one was there to save me this time he left his strap once so I killed him *cries* I never wanted or killed someone before I lost it after that I turned crazy your habit of drinking became my habit I had to do some shit I wasn't proud of but my babies needed their life back"
"What chu do that you wasn't proud of?"
"*laughs* I'm not innocent anymore I use to work the pole.."
He hugged me we hugged each other and I cried in his arms while he just confronted me with his big husky arms that I hadn't felt in forever not only was I crying for sorrow but also crying for joy
I felt him in my arms something I missed
-
I felt her in my arms something I missed
Should August and Jenna be together?
Did August tell the truth?
Who had the worst time separated?
#TeamJenna
Or
#TeamAugust
Who's y'all favorite character so far?
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YOU ARE READING
I don't do thugs(BOOK 1 & 2)
FanfictionJenna: Her mom left her at the age of 3 she is mixed with Puerto Rican and black she is 5'4 she has curly hair that reaches to her back she is 16 in high-school at Compton high and she doesn't do thugs even though she is a thugs daughter August: He...
