Two- A Josh Dun fic

16- thoughts

Josh was out with Tyler getting ready to record a new album and that left me home alone for the night.

Alone

A word I hate.

I tried to keep calm and not let the thoughts overcome me.

What if Josh is dating me out of pity? What if the voices inside my head are right? What if Josh is playing with my feelings? What if-

I stopped myself when I realized I was crying.

"Ruby I hope I see you.." I managed to croak out.

I opened my nightstand.

DON'T DO IT

I need something to channel my thoughts into.

DON'T DO IT

No one needs to know. No one will care anyway.

DON'T DO IT

I pulled out a cold metal object.

*****

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I leaned against the door and let out a small sob.

I dragged the object against my arm. I needed the blade. It kept me sane.

I made a few more marks before hearing the door open.

"I'm home!" Josh yelled.

I let out a gasp and quickly got up. I reached out my arm to put the blade in the medicine cabinet but the marks on my arm made it hard.

they were too fresh

I grabbed a band aid and put it over my marks, pulling down my sleeve to hide it.

"Tori?" I head Josh call as his voice got colder.

"I-I'm using the bathroom." I lied.

"Oh"

I got up and whimpered a bit, the cut still bleeding. I pushed through the pain and opened the door, seeing a worried Josh sitting on my bed. I walked over to my closet and grabbed his "I want to believe" alien hoodie from our first date.

The worried expressions on his face quickly left when he saw what I was wearing. "Looks nice on you" he joked.
I smiled and sat next to him.

"So how was the meeting?" I asked.

"Good, we're taking some songs from Regional at Best and putting it on the next album." Josh said excitedly.

"Really which one?"

"Can't tell you yet." He teased.

Josh got up and said he needed to go home and get some things together but he would come back. He tried to hug my but I flinched, moving away my left arm. He turned his head confused.

"Um... its sore from moving boxes." I lied.

"Oh." He nodded his head understanding what I said.

As he left my apartment I made myself a promise.

stop these thoughts