Hazed | 5SOS

Prologue

I sat, as curled up as a blob like me could be, on the front steps of my childhood home. 3 months spent in a looney bin. 2 weeks at home. 1 hour before I move into my college dorm.

"Autumn! Autumn, sweetie you have all your things? Everything? Izzy will be here any minute to pick you up!" The mighty over lord called. Mom.

"Izzy? I thought you were taking me? You know, because your my mom. And you' like to kiss me and hug me and help me move in." I questioned, confused. Izzy was my cousin, we were the same grade level, but I'm a year younger. I skipped the 4th grade. She was adopted by my aunt and uncle when I was 3.

"Oh no sweetie, I have to work to afford to send you to college." She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and a quick hug, "I'll see you at Christmas, tell Izzy I said hello and I'll call you tonight. " she rubbed my shoulders,

"Alright then, bye mom." I said, helpless to her reckless actions.

My mom wasn't like me. She was tall, with a tiny waist and frame. She left my 4 foot father with 350 pounds on him when I was 2. Unfortunately, by looking at us you wouldn't be able to guess which one is mother and daughter.

I sat next to my suitcases and waited for Izzy. Izzy was perfect. Perfect body, average life set up, perfect parents, confidence, boys. Everything I wish I had.

"Autumn!" Izzy honked the horn, she had people in the back, Jesus Christ. I'm not ready.

"Um, where should I put my stuff?" I asked, nervously in front of Izzy's flawless friends.

"The trunk, I'll help you." She kindly gets out of the car. Her dark skin was radiating, her white shirt tucked into her ripped dark wash high waisted shorts. Her short hair was naturally perfect. How.

She must be embarrassed of me, her fat cousin, is sitting here with 4 suitcases to fit all her oversized clothes and CD's and childish stuff. Izzy doesn't know I was diagnosed with Depression, or anxiety, or body dysmorphia (that one I hardly believe) or anything like that. Nobody but Mom does.

"Thanks Izzy."

"No problem. Im so happy to see you it's been so long! I can't wait for you to meet my friends come on hop in." She points for me to sit next to her other pretty friend who's in the back seat, while another occupied the passenger seat.

I felt so big. I must've been taking up two seats it felt like.

"So guys, this is my cousin, Autumn. Autumn this is Jordan and Sabina, they're from out of state." Jordan was sitting next to me. Her pretty black straight hair complimenting her flawless face.

Oh god. They're probably already thinking about what a fat freak I am. Jordan reached her hand out to me, oh gosh I don't want to socialize. I'm not ready. I can barely talk to mom.

"Nice to meet you, Autumn." She smiled at me, I accepted her hand,

"You too." I said almost inaudibly. Sabina turned around, and did the same. Sabina has beautiful blonde hair with dark roots and beautiful blue eyes. Why can't I look like that?

I sat there quietly while they turned up the radio. It was the top 10. But I wanted to plug in my music and play something like My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, or Mayday Parade. Something I can lose myself in so I wasn't so worried about meeting my roommate.

"Autumn your welcome to join my family tonight for dinner, I know your mom has to work and stuff." Izzy said as we arrived to the college.

"That's alright, thanks. I'll probably have a lot of unpacking to do." I shrugged,

"Alright, well let me know if you change your mind." She smiled.

I watched outside my window. Guys and girls in school colored shirt showed other kids to their dorms. Is it bad that every guy here I think I would let do anything to me they're so hot. Except they all know it. Major. Turn. Off.

Not that I'm any dream bod so they'd never give me the second look. Im 5'1" and 126 pounds. Fat. I know. I used to weigh much more. I was 136 at one point. Back when I was 16. But then Prom season came around and there was no way any boy would want to date the fat, ugly genius kid. I made sure that by the time I went to prom I was 89 pounds. The doctors call me a "body dysmorphic". Because even then, I was, and still am fat to me.

You are not fat you just have fat you need to lose

That was one of the things they told me at the hospital. It worked then, why not now?

I'll always be fat and chubby. Because now, god forbid I don't eat all my sandwiches or eat every last nibble of my corn. Or my mom will jump to the conclusion she needs to send me back. Don't get me wrong, I love food, I just don't like it in front of people or the fact that it adds numbers and thighs and stomachs and flab. But now that I'm in college, no more Mom.

This wasn't the only reason I was placed in the mental hospital. I went to a very bad place. I was always bullied in school. Ignored. Misjudged. Ridiculed. Some had the audacity to write hurtful things on my stuff and social media. It got to me. Too much. But I spent 5 months rebuilding these cement, brick, barbed wire walls. They're never coming down. Never.

Although a dashing boy with great music taste wouldn't hurt.