Hazed | 5SOS

07

"You're going, Autumn." Janin said from our suite bathroom,

"No I have a paper due for forensics next week and I should really start on it." I said on from my laptop,

"Autumn, you're going." Jenna said from my wardrobe, going through my clothes, "We really need to get you some new clothes."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at the screen,

Why are you saying no to people who are begging you to hang out with them? You have a whole week to do this paper.

"Why don't you want to go anyway?" Jenna asked,

"Because... my paper." I shrugged,

"No, seriously."

"I'm just not feeling up to a party right now." I said, shaking my head,

"Listen if it's Luke, don't worry about it he can be a dick sometimes. Trust me, hes my brothers room mate." She whispered, something about even the name now boils my blood,

"I agree, he's a dick. And I don't want anything to do with him. But he's not the reason I'm not going tonight maybe next time." I said,

Finally she dropped it, she asked me again before she left but I was sure about not going.

After 1 hour and 37 minutes, I did nothing for my paper, but I did notice our ceiling has a dick drawn on it. Classy.

I went to the bathroom and locked both doors. I heard from Janin & Amber's room the disgusting moans of some type of sexual interaction. It made my pee very uncomfortable.

I heard Amber start moaning the boy's name, Luke. I was appalled. I had to wash my hands 4 times and it wasn't enough. How are they even allowed to do this right now?

I could hear them from my suite. Shouldn't a dorm advisor stop this?

No real judging or anything, its not the sex "out of wedlock" that bothers me its the people doing it. Mainly Luke. Not only is he a dick head he's also a slimy jerk.

Amber deserves better than that, really.

Being back in my dorm room felt much more safe. I put on a huge black t-shirt that said "Do Not Disturb." It felt so big and comfortable. I had to ignore the mirror of how I looked. I turned up Panic! At The Disco to get rid of the weird moans.

I grabbed my forensics book and began my paper. It had to be 5 pages on the importance of forensics. It wasn't a fact of if I could do it, it was if I wanted to. Which I didn't. I laid upside down off my bed facing Jenna's gray bed.

I really need a new comforter. I have had this one with pink flowers on it since I was little. It's awful. Hurtin' my vibe.

I stared at the mirror on my wardrobe. I had avoided it's deceiving eyes 'til now. All I could see was how obese I looked. I hadn't ate in 2 days and I still look fat. I had a chin, puffy cheeks, a belly and thighs. It was all ugly. I hated it.

Nobody likes me. Maybe I should just do it now. Finish it here. What's the point anyway, right? Nobody is going to ever find me attractive or interesting.

My eyes started to water. I peeled my eyes from the mirror to look at my phone. I wanted to call my mom and ask her to come bring me home, but I knew she wouldn't. She would just say how ungrateful I was.

I began sobbing. I have no one on this earth. At this point I might as well go back to the looney bin. I haven't taken my meds in a week. My therapist has missed our calls.

Nobody cares.

~~~ 45 minutes later ~~~

I laid on my stomach my face in my pillow. I was frustrated I couldn't do any work. Out of no where my door swung open.

I just assumed it was Jenna so I didn't turn around.

"What are you doing home so early?" Until a bum sat on my bed,

"Hi. Autumn?" His deep voice spoke,

"Luke, what the hell-" I started, I wanted to tell him to get out,

"Why weren't you at the party?" He asked, I cocked an eyebrow,

"I didn't want to go." I sat up and crossed my arms, "Why are you coming in so casually, I know what you just did, you nasty."

"Ah, you should've joined us." He smirked, cocky again I see.

"No thanks, don't feel like developing any diseases quite yet, thanks." I shrugged,

"Wooow." He rolled his eyes, shutting the door and leaning on it. He bit his lip ring, I even have to admit, it was hot as shit. Why do the most attractive people be the most shitty. It'll be a miracle if he can handle a real conversation.

"Shouldn't you be with Amber? And not here." I asked,

"No, why should I?" He looked a little disgusted at the thought,

"Well you just had sex with her, and you hate me so.." I motioned for him to fill me in,

"Maybe, but it's not like we're dating or anything. We're just having fun, you know? We just had sex, we're not married." He wiped his nose,

"So like fuck buddies?" I asked, trying to understand the relationship,

"I guess." He shrugged, rubbing his 3 new tattoos on his shoulders, "Why, jealous?" He got all smug again, and bit his lip ring,

I hate him

"Hell no. Why would I be jealous?" I asked, shaking my head

"Because while we were having fun you were here, listening, alone."

Pig

"So?" I rolled my eyes, not giving in,

"Eh, must suck not having someone who wants to have sex with you." He looked full of himself,

"No actually, it's not bad at all, not having to think about sex all the time. Easy life." I laid back,

"I don't think about sex all the time." He defended,

"Oh really?" I doubt it.

"Yeah, I don't have to worry, I can get it whenever." He's so bad at this.

"Is this supposed to impress me or something? Why are you telling me?" I was genuinely confused. Why would he even be here. He hates me?

"Why would I want to impress you?" He looked slightly disgusted,

"I don't know, you tell me."

"I just wanted to help entertain you. It must be boring being a hermit." He smirked,

"I am not a hermit! I go out!" I objected,

"Hardly." He said, "You know maybe you would get a guy to fuck you if you went out." He winked,

"But I don't want to." I argued,

"Everyone wants it. Well I mean that, and if you wore, like, clothes that fit you, you know." Okay, that stung a little. He doesn't understand why I wear this shit does he?

"No, I don't know."

"Well, you only wear clothes that are huge on you. Real boner killer." He said,

I'm done. He is incapable of having a real conversation.

"Alright, get out." I got up and opened the door,

"What?" He looked caught off guard,

"Get out." I started shove him out the door,

"Was it something I said?" He looked down at me,

"Yeah, right when I started to think we could have a normal conversation you do that." I shook my head and pushed him into the hallway.

"But I-" he gave me a look of fake desperation, I'm sure he was proud.

"Bye, Hemmings." I shut the door, he knocked on it a few times, before I heard our dorm advisor yell down the hall for him to get out.

I punched my pillow. He's such a shitty person. I just wanted to forget him. I'm done with him wanting to hurt me. He's not good for me. The last thing I need is something not good for me.