Adopted by Pentatonix

Fifty- Explinations

Ana

Kirstin and I sat cris- cross on my bed with a book. I hold my stuffed bear in my lap for comfort. It was a medical book that had diagrams of the human body. She explained to me everything that was happening to me. She explained everything in detail so I would understand better. She explained all the symptoms I could experience and why I feel them. She said it means my body is ready to have a baby now. After explaining what happened to me she explained what sex was. My mind was running wild with all this new information.

"That's what grown ups do?" I question
She laughs at my innocence, and nods.
"Yes, that's what grown ups do. Only grown ups." She says sternly. I frown as I realize that's what the man did to me.
"I did it with that man." I say shamefully
"No baby, he did it to you, and he wasn't supposed to. It should have never happened." She says
"I don't like sex, it hurts." I whisper, the memories of the pain flow through my mind.
"It's not supposed to go like that. It should be with someone you love, who will always take care of you, and not hurt you." She says, she takes my hands in hers and squeezes them lightly
"I don't think I'm going to find someone who actually wants me." I whimper "I only have one friend, and I don't even know if he even wants to be friends with me." I admit
She gasp at what I say "You will find someone one day. You're young, beautiful, smart, and so much more." She assures me

I shake my head no " No one wants the used girl." I whisper, I'm used. That man used me. I'm no good now. No one is going to want me. Love me. Care for me.

She lifts my head to look at her. My cheeks cupped in her warm, soft hands. "Ana, you are not used. Don't say that, don't even think for just a second that you are used." She says sternly "It's not true. Not even a little bit."
I try to believe what she tells me, but it's proven to be difficult. "Do you understand?" She ask
"Yes." I squeak out. She pulls my head and kisses the top.

I smile a little at the small gesture. I love it when she shows affection towards me. Growing up without it creates a big hole inside you that craves it. Hugs, kisses, cuddling, even just small words of comfort can mean everything and make all the difference.

"How do you know so much about this?" I ask her
"This is my job." She says smiling. She pats the book and traces over the cover with her finger. "I treat the overall health of female patients. I treat problems and diseases of the female reproductive system such as breast and hormonal problems, urinary tract and pelvic disorders, and cancer of the cervix." She explains confidently
"Do you have any more questions? If you do you can ask me. You can ask me anything, no matter how silly it may seem." She says
"No, I don't think I have any left." I say
"Usually, once little girls like you get their periods, then they start coming to me to make sure everything is going how it should be." She says and taps my nose. I giggle, but it quickly turns to a groan when a wave of pain comes across my abdomen. I rock back so I'm laying on my back with my hands across my stomach.
"Does your tummy hurt, baby?" She ask, I nod and roll onto my side as I wait for the pain to pass. I hug the bear tightly to distract myself from it.
"I'm sorry. Cramps suck." She says
"Periods suck." I groan, she chuckles
"Yeah, I can agree with you there. They do suck." She  lays down facing me. "We'll go to the store tomorrow and get you some medicine to help. Then we can cuddle and do whatever you want." She says, she brushes a piece of hair out of my face for me and smiles.
"Can we bake?" I ask
"What do you want to make?" She smirks
"Muffins, or cookies, or oh brownies. Definitely brownies." I say getting more excited with my ideas
She smiles at my enthusiasm "Well, the guys are going to want more muffins, I have had a very big hankering for cookies, and you want brownies, so why don't we make them all?" She suggest. My eyes light up and I nod.

"Can we go get chocolate now?" I ask. I instantly remember that Avi and Scott are still down there and sigh. "Oh it's going to be so embarrassing going down there." I groan
"They'll get over it. I've had all of the guys go get me stuff before. It's not that bad. Besides I've had more embarrassing happen to me." She says, brushing it off like it's nothing.
"Once during a concert I got mine and didn't know it in front of thousands of people. There was a big red spot on the back of my white jeans. Scott had to tell me and I wanted to die." She laughs and cringes as she remember her story.
"That would have been so embarrassing." I cringe
"Even though we shouldn't be embarrassed because all girls go through it, accidents can be humiliating sometimes. But people always get over it, so it's no big deal." She says, she smiles and sits up.

"Come on, lets go eat some ice cream and chocolate." She says holding her hand out to me. I take it with my hand and she leads me downstairs. We make a B line for the kitchen to get the treats. After getting the food we sit down together on the couch. Avi and Scott come sit beside us. Avi beside me and Scott beside Kirstin. I'm blushing like crazy and stuff my face with chocolate. I snuggle deep into the couch with my stuffie and blanket. Avi cuddles with me until we finish two movies. I start to feel sleepy and remember what Kirstin said about sleep in a tampon. I lean up to her and whisper in her ear.

"I need to go potty, but I'm scared to do it."
"It's okay, lets go." She says back

She takes me upstairs and to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet like before. Her words about it being more uncomfortable than putting it in run through my mind which brings fear into my body. She notices how tense I am when she gets in the same position as before.
"Just relax, it's not going to hurt. It's going to be okay. I'll be really gentle." She says calmly. I nod and take a deep breath. I relax my body and close my eyes.
"Ready?" She ask, I nod.
"Deep breath." She says, I do as she tells me and feel something move. I whimper quietly at the unwanted feeling.
She takes it out for me quickly and there was a lot more pressure this time. She disposes it in the trash and washes her hands.

"I don't like that." I breath out. I had been holding my breath this whole time and not even realized it.
"You'll get used to it the more you do it. Don't worry." She reassures me

I put on a pad like she showed me and we go back downstairs. Everyone acts like nothing changed and we go back to cuddling. I start dozing off. When I wake back up I look over to see Kirstin asleep on Scott. He has her wrapped in his arms with her head on his chest. I grin at their cuteness and snuggle closer to Avi. I'm the only one awake so I choose to go back to bed, after turning off the tv so it doesn't wake anyone else up. He wraps his arm around me pulling me close. I welcome his body heat and drift back to sleep.