Adopted by Pentatonix

Forty Two- Wants

Kirstin

She scrolls through all the notes on her phone with a mixed emotion expression. I look back to them to find them still playing. Avi picks her up and lays her down on the ground. He starts tickling her and I can hear her giggles.

"How can such a sweet girl go through all of that? I've never had anyone go through this much and be this.... okay." She says exasperated
"There are.... moments." I mumble
"Like what?" She pushes
"Her nightmares are horrible. There are at least two every week. It was the main reason we wanted to get her a therapist." I explain to her. She nods and makes a new note.
"What are they like?"

"She says they are about her father, or the man and that night. She says they feel real. Sometimes she wakes up on her own, but other times we have to wake her up ourselves. She cries for a while unless she goes straight into a panic attack, then it takes a while to get her back to sleep." I explain

"The panic attacks, are they caused by something other than the dreams or just random?"
"So far, there have only been two at random. The others have been because she got scared."

"She said something about being scared of your jobs. What about that?"
I sigh "We call it white coat syndrome. It's the fear of anything and everything medical. We believe it is from her father doing all those horrible things to her. She thinks we are going to hurt her whenever we need to do something medical with her and starts freaking out." I explain
"Are there any restrictions, anything she does around you out of the normal while you are working?"
"Yes actually. Hang on let me get Scott."

I call Scott and tell him to come over here. Within a minute he is jogging to us. He sits down next to me with a confused smile.

"You needed me?" He says
"Yes. Will Ana still not go upstairs or in your exam rooms?" I ask
His smile falters and he shakes his head "She won't come upstairs unless she has too. When she does and we're in an exam room, she stands outside the door and refuses to come in. We have tried to convince her to come in, but she just won't do it. She'll stand near the door in our office but won't move from there." He explains defeatedly. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

"There had only been one time where she came in. It was when we had a scared patient who wanted her for comfort. She couldn't leave them because she knows how it feels to be scared, so she stayed to help. Earlier that day Avi and Kevin had a kid who had to get a shot which she helped with. It went fine but she did something weird when she saw the needle. They said she spaced out for a minute but then was fine. I didn't want it to happen again, so I got her to leave without telling her why, while I numbed the patient. But when she heard the drill she could barely hold it together. She was having an anxiety attack and on the verge of a panic attack." He explains to her.

"What was happening during that time?" She ask
"She looked extremely scared and was really pale and was almost hyperventilating but really quietly. She had her hands over her ears trying to block out the sound. It was like she was hardly there in the mind. Physically she was there, mentally, not so much. She was lost in her thoughts and they must have been horrible by the look on her face. Mitch could hardly get her to talk. He gave her his headphones to help which did, a little bit, I think. As soon as we were done she was standing in the hall again, refusing to come in." He says recalling the events that happened with Jenny. They had told me later that night over video chat when Ana was in bed.

"But she'll go in Avi and Kevin's exam room right?" She ask
"Yes, although she will stand by the door." He says
"Will she come in yours?" She ask me
I nod "She'll come in mine and sit in the chair sometimes if I'm doing something."

"She definitely has different comfort levels with our jobs. I hate that she's scared of me but I don't know what to do about it." Scott says unhappily

"You seem to be making progress. Try not to force her into anything or else it could make things worse. It could also make things better if she realizes you won't hurt her in the process, but it's a very big if. Try to get her upstairs more just to talk and hang out. It can help raise her comfort level with you." Melody tells him. He nods with a smile.

Avi calls him back over and he leaves to go back to play with Ana.
"With her anxiety, is it all the time or only certain times?"
"I think she worries about stuff all the time, but I know people give her anxiety. She gets nervous around new people and we homeschool her because she doesn't like large crowds and being under pressure. She can't handle making people upset though. She gets terrified if she thinks someone is anything but happy with her. And no matter what, you can't yell at her. It sends her directly into a panic attack." I say, she nods as I talk and takes more notes.

"Okay, I think that's all my questions for now. Thank you, this will really help me a lot." She says to me scrolling through the notes.
"You're welcome, I'll do anything to help her. All of us will. Do you want to go join them?" I ask watching them.

Avi has her on his back giving her piggy back rides while the others play with the dog. She laughs at them and nods.
"We might as well." She laughs. We walk over to them. As we near, Ana's giggles get louder. She's rolling around with the dog playing with it. It's a huge animal but very nice. It's a gentle giant.

We get over there it runs to us. It attacks Melody with licks making us laugh. Avi helps Ana up and slings her onto his back. She giggles as he runs around with her. We go the rest of the way to them. We begin to play tag with the ball, whoever has the ball is it. We play that for a while until Scott starts tickling Ana. We all join while Melody and Jamie watch. I hear her giggle and turn to them. Jamie has her trapped with one hand around her back and tickling her side with the other.

They are adorable together. Even though they have obviously been together for a while, they are clearly, madly in love still. They have a family, which I'm sure is very happy.

Even though I have Ana, I feel lonely sometimes. I love Ana, I really do, but I want a partner. I want someone to sweep me off my feet. I want to have cute tickle fights. I want to snuggle with someone during a cold night. I want someone to tell me they love me. I want someone who will protect me no matter what. I want someone who isn't afraid to be their self around me. I-I want.....Scott.

I snap out of my thoughts to see Scott carrying Ana over his shoulder with her squealing. My heartstrings tug at the cuteness of the two. I love the way he takes care of Ana. They all take care of her and all love her, but she's closest with Avi and Scott. Avi is definitely closer with her but Scott is a close second. Both of them are constantly asking how she's doing and making sure she's happy, so are the others but them two the most. Avi's relationship with her is more of a father figure while Scott's is a loving brother. Either way, it means a lot to me to know they care so much.

After playing for a little while longer, we go home for lunch. I have to promise Ana we will come back some other time to get her to leave. We say bye to Melody and Jamie, of course we didn't forget Nick either. We go home and spend the rest of the day together like usual, ending in a movie marathon in my living room.