JAMIE POV
I stayed staring at the ceiling. I was tired but I couldn't fall asleep. All I did was think.
JAMIE'S THOUGHTS
Why is it that the world is so balanced, so cruel. Why is it that when I'm waking up, someone is going to sleep. When I'm eating, someone is starving. When I'm crying, someone is laughing. When I'm in pain, someone else is in pure joy. Someone dies, another is born. So... how should you feel? Sad for a loss or happy for a miracle? How would the person who gave their life for mine, feel to know that I'm drowning in such sorrow now? Would they feel wasted? Disappointed?
Isn't it weird that one's world can be changed so quickly. Here I am, breaking apart and rotting away, when I was in love and so happy not long ago? That makes me wonder... How will I feel in a month from now? Will I even feel anything?
Why is the world so unchanging, yet changing. It's so contradictory. I wake up, drag my feet to my bathroom, glare at my unmade hair while I brush my teeth, take a shower, shampooing first my hair, then soaping my body, then I get dressed, putting on first my shirt, then pants, then jacket, then socks and shoes... Every. Single. Day. The order doesn't change but... It's different. Day by day, something is different. I'm taller than the day before, my hair is longer, my eyes are swollen, then unswollen, I'm happy and not happy.
Why?
Why does the world favor certain people at certain times? Why does it decide when I'm having a good day, where I'm going, what I'm eating, how I'm feeling? Why does it put people through so much, when it is going to just start over with another person when that person is gone?
How can one's heart break so easily. It's there to keep you alive. It has four chambers and all of the organs and systems of the body regulate from its simple beat. But... It can break instantly... all four chambers... And it can break from words. Verbal communication. Not only physical things. Words. The things that touch you in the inside, not out. Growing up, I was taught how to talk because it was a convenient way of communication. That's why I learned words. So I can communicate. But how come no one told me that it causes emotions. Such pain? In our arguments, those words Jimin said to me... those few words... Broke my heart in seconds. If I knew that words were capable of doing that, I wouldn't have wanted to learn them. Ever.
Who invented the line: a piece of cake? As if anything in this world is really easy and simple. Were they aware of the complexity of baking a cake? All of the measurements, ingredients, and techniques that have to be known to really make a good cake? The infinite types of cakes and toppings available to choose from as well?
I agree more with the person who invented the line: life is unfair. Because it is. It's unpredictable and you can't do anything about it. It's really fun at times, but it gets boring in an instant. So what do I do when it gets boring? What do I do then? What do I do now?
It's just... even now...
It's hard to believe that Jimin and I would just break up and change like that. After all we have been through... Over. You'd think we were different, that we would last and our love would never fade... I guess life doesn't work that way. It's ridiculous how fast one can go from "I love you" to "I hate you."
.
.
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I really miss you mom. I want to see you mom. I just want to go see you. Can I do that? Will you let me? Will you still love me if I do?
.
.
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No... I... Can't.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hello everyone! I am so happy to see that you are all enjoying my updates. Yes, I know they are really sad but sadly... the fanfic will end soon. It turned out to be a lot longer than I expected and I took way longer than I expected but I enjoyed every second of writing it and I can't thank you all enough for your love, support, votes, and the comments that always make me want to write more and more. Thank you so much for waiting such long periods of time for my updates. I honestly don't deserve such great viewers. Please be patient with the sad content, I have a plan all laid out so please look forward to it! The fanfic will end soon, but please continue to show love and support! Your comments and votes are always appreciated and read. I love you all!!
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