DAYS OF SUMMER ( Either Moving On Or Giving Up )

Scrolls

Dear Summer,

Do you want to see cherry blossoms in Japan? Do you want to meet me? Because I do. I miss you and Ren so much. I am awake every night for I wait you two to call. Don't you miss me at all?

I know this year has been hard for all of us, and I can't blame you since you're all very young. But, I want to tell you something. Please call me. Please choose me even though I don't deserve it. But I don't want to live like this again.

Summer, call me when you need me. Don't shut me in.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

I want to tell you that I saw the picture of you going to middle school. Your outfit looked great. Is that your uniform? I didn't use to wear uniform, but I think you look great.

Summer, did you get my letter? I asked your grandma. She said you always get it. Would you please reply it? A very short letter is okay. At least I know you're okay. I know you hate me for leaving you. But I will tell you something.

It's hard to leave you. But staying will only make things worse. You were still small back then. I wasn't going to let you down.

Let you know one thing, I love you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

Did you just win your first ever photography contest? I saw the picture of you holding the trophy. How I long to be the one who took the picture of you.

I'm thinking about staying in America for years. Do you want it? Anyway, Ren had called me. Why don't you call?

I miss you, Summer.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

Did you get the postcards with cherry blossoms in them? It's from a small store in Yokohama. The seller has a daughter just the same age with you. She kinda reminds me of you.

Summer, after I finish this job, I will get to pick you and Ren up. Please wait for me a little bit. Because I'm trying my best here. I promise you around this month, it will soon be finished and finally this hard nights and days can go. I will soon meet you. I won't leave you again.

I love you very much. This days can go faster if the three of us pass this together. I miss you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

I heard that you're learning piano. I always know that you have a talent of it. Since you hate ballet.

Miss you so much, Summer. When will you reply me back? I want to hear it from you.

I love you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

I got a new gifts for you. This time, it's from Korea. I went to store where they sell some ethnic stuff. They also sell many cute vintage clothes. I know you love vintage outfits. That's why I sent them to you. There are beautiful blouses. They are in many colours because I didn't know what kind of colour you like. There are also dresses. Colourful ones too.

Anyway, I think that the other package I sent you will make you happy. It's from Korea boy band you like the most. I think they have an outstanding and great music. I can see why you're a fan of them. But mostly korean songs are great. I love them.

I heard you enter a piano competition. I know you must have been so busy. I'll leave you then. I hope the best for you.

I just want to know, when will I be hearing from you?

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

I saw the photo of you holding the certificate. You look so beautiful in that pink dress. Did you get my present? It's a pink kimono.

Summer, you must have heard of it. I'm sorry I can't come to America sooner. I'm terribly sorry. I know it shouldn't be a reason, but the doctor said it's better for me to rest here. Please forgive me.

Thank you for the present. Is it a song you composed? The melody is so beautiful. I can feel your emotion from there.

I love you, Summer. Thank you for sending this. I know it'll make me keep going and fighting.

Love,

Mom

Dear Summer,

These past of days have been so hard. Months maybe.

I'm sorry. I will keep saying this until I die.

I'm sorry I can't be a better mom. I have never been there for you. I let you feel the hurt moment of being left by someone else. I can't bear it myself and I am so selfish. Looking you from the pictures, I don't see you smile often. I know it must be hard. Summer, know this, you're beautiful. You still have many years of life, just enjoy it. Smile often, have fun. Not rebelling, but really just enjoy it. I know you can. You are a girl with passion, Summer.

The thing is I cannot be there for you and Ren when you all need me. And it's hard to say that I know you hate me for that. I'm sorry I can't be capable of being the mom you need. Like every other kids have.

But, please find someone else who can love you. Someone who won't go away when it's hard. Someone who will love you like you're the best thing. Not that I don't love you. I love you, but I don't deserve your love. That's why it's okay for you to hate me. I am okay if you don't forgive me.

This letter is the last letter from me, so from now on, I won't bother you again. You can finally erase me from you.

And one thing you have to know, I love you and I am sorry.

Farewell, my dear Summer Lucia.

Yours truly,

Mom