DAYS OF SUMMER ( Either Moving On Or Giving Up )

Thirteen

“She’s amazing.
Believe me, she’s talented.
One day, you’ll see.
She’ll shock everyone here and the world outside.”
-Recommendation for Summer Lucia ( Oliver Ron )

They say mind is brilliant. It collects everything, bad or good. I’m not a mind professor, so I can’t really judge. But I kinda hate my mind. I remember a lot about pains.
Sometimes I think, my pills can kill my mind. When the times come, I may not believe that they can do that. I will still believe that those pills save me from my mind.
But believe it or not, I am a stupid girl.
I can’t blame Oliver on this. I’m the one who caused everything. He shouldn’t be gone. I should be the one.
What had happened to me? Was I just dead?
I remember. I fainted.
I’m not dead.
Slowly, my eyes start to open. Piece by piece of those dark lights are lightened. Just like seeing lights again.
Ugh. I’m so overreacted.
The first thing I see is the light of lamp. It’s too bright and my eyes are hurt by the sight of it.
“The lamp..” I sputter.
“She’s awake!” someone exclaims. It must be Ren.
Then I feel that someone reduces the power of the light so it won’t be too bright.
I see Ren and he looks so worried. He looks like a mess. There’s sweat on him and his hair is messy. He touches my hand.
“Yuka, are you okay?” he asks nervously. “I’m so fucking worried! I told you not to consume those pills again!”
Ren rarely swears. He only does it when he’s nervous and worried and angry.
“I’m sorry, Ren. Sorry,” I say. “But I couldn’t help it. I need them. I still do.”
“Do you know how long you fainted?” he asks me. “Twenty minutes! That’s long, so long. Don’t worry. The doctor will be here soon.”
Ren goes outside to check on the doctor and I finally see Jake. He’s sitting in a chair, not too far from the couch.
“Hey,” I say.
“Are you okay now?” he asks.
“Yeah, pretty good now,” I reply. “Where is it?”
“My trailer,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch you. I was surprised. I saw you with that goth guy. He’s one of the staffs, right?”
“He’s Monet. He’s also an intern.”
“Yeah, you got off from that car in outrageous. I thought you’re angry and needed some time alone. But then, you came out and walked wobbly. Then you just fell down.”
“Really? Did I really look like that?”
“Anyway, you’re fine now,” he says. He stands up and tells me that he needs to go to the set and also tells me to contact him when I’m done for today.
I look at my knee and there’s a bruise at there. Ren comes in again, but this time he’s with Dr. Hugh.
“Doctor Hugh?” I still can’t believe it. Now I’ll have a new medicine again. New pills.
“Summer, I told you that you shouldn’t use that pills more often,” Doctor Hugh says.
“See, Summer? You should have listened to me,” Ren says knowingly.
I sigh. I know about this. But I still consume my pills. Like I said, I’m such a stupid girl. “I really need them this time,” I give my excuse.
“What again, this time?” Ren asks frustratingly.
Doctor Hugh calms Ren down and smiles at me. “It’s okay. It’s okay for you to still think the past. It will be the one who guide you. It’s alright. Don’t worry. I believe you will recover.”
I smile a bit. “Thanks, Doctor Hugh.”
“Take a rest, Summer. I want you to not work today,” he replies.
Ren takes Doctor Hugh to talk face to face. I tip toe and listen their conversation.
“Is she gonna be okay?” Ren asks.
“Don’t worry, William. Summer is a strong girl. She can recover. I know she can.”
“But she.. look at her, she doesn’t look okay to me.”
“I know it’s hard for everybody. It’s harder for her too. Trust in her, William. I can see the light soon. She’s recovering.”
“How do you know for sure?”
“The last time I met her, she didn’t crack a smile easily. She’s trying, William. She knows she have to move on. And the last time I remembered, she ate almost her pills. But this time, she almost doesn’t take any except for just now. Don’t worry, Ren. Trust in her. It won’t be easy because you love her. But she wants you to believe in her. So, I’ll say it once again. Trust her. It’s her decision. It’s always a choice for her.”
Ren is quiet for a moment. “Thank you, Doctor. I hope you are right. Because I can’t afford to lose my family again. I can’t lose Summer. I survived Hara. But not Summer. I love her deeply. She’s one of families that I need to protect. And I don’t think my grandparents will be fine also. Nana will kill herself. We will be such a mess family without Summer.”
“I know,” Doctor Hugh says. “Your family once stood steadily for Summer. This time, she’ll be the one who steadies your family. Just believe in her.”
I don’t hear the conversation again because I couldn’t help to cry. Can I really recover? Everyone needs me to recover. I hurt them so much and I want to change. But how? I don’t know how. But I don’t want to disappoint them.
A knock comes in and I see Jake.
“Are you crying?” he asks.
“No, no at all.”
“Really?” he asks.
“Yeah, are you not working?” I ask him.
“Done,” he says. “Let’s go.”
He goes first and I just follow.
When we arrive at the parking lot, Jake takes his jacket and hands it to me. “You’ll need it,” he says.
“What about you?” I ask him. “You’ll need it too.”
Jake waves me off. “Just wear it, Summer.”
“Alright then,” I say. “Thanks, Jake.”
When we’re on the ride, Jake suddenly asks, “Why you’re named after a season?”
“Hara met Sail, I mean my dad in Summer. I may not born in Summer. But my mom thinks that it’s still the best moment of her life,” I explain. “It may sound corny to you, huh?”
“I don’t know. I’m not the one who had that feeling,” he replies.
“So, where do you want to go?” I ask.
“I can’t think about any place better than Clear Deal,” he says.
“Clear Deal? Isn’t it in the Southern LA?” I ask him, then I realize. “Is that your mom’s place?”
“It is,” he answers.
“Whoa, I think I have actually met your mother,” I say. “I love Clear Deal!”
“That’s good,” he says. “Where’s your favorite restaurant? Mine is Rolls Up.”
“That place is very pricey!” I exclaim.
“They sell good sushi and I can’t argue with it. My manager once bought it for me and I just love it.”
“Rice Roll is better,” I tell him. “I’ll take you next time. It’s not that expensive.”
“Well, next time then,” he says. “You haven’t answered about your favourite place.”
“It’s Rice Roll obviously. But I also love Berry Dice too.”
I stop for a moment. Berry Dice, huh? It’s his favourite.
“Berry Dice?” he asks.
“They sell pancakes,” I reply. “But why is your favourite place is not your mom's?”
“It’s too far,” he complains.
“Not that far,” I argue.
“It’s good thing since I can ride my bike. Ash doesn’t believe if I drive my car. He doesn’t let me travel around.”
“It must be hard becoming a star,” I say.
“It has perks. But it gets lonely sometimes,” he tells me.
The rest of the ride is quiet and I get to enjoy the view. It’s strange. Jake just makes me completely forget that I have depression. I’m just like a normal teen girl who travels around with her friend. Definitely friend.
We arrive and I stare at Jake for a moment. How could he calm down? He’s meeting his mom. I think, it’s usual for him. It’s his thing.
We sit down in the booth. Luckily, this time.. It’s not near a window.
I scan the area around to find Jake’s mom. But I don’t see any face that resembles him.
“The foster mom said that I don’t look like my mom, but my dad.”
“Oh,” I say. “So, where is your mom? Is she here?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Her name is Marge and she’s there serving cold lemonade.”
I look at the woman. She’s in mid forties. She must have been so young when she’s pregnant with Jake. Maybe she didn’t know how to handle infant back then.
The woman looks like a mess. She’s thin and seems.. unhappy with her life.
“Are you okay?” he asks me.
“She must miss you,” I tell him. “When will you tell her?”
Jake fixes his sunnies and shrugs. “This is not a good time.”
“Good night, kids,”
Suddenly, I see Marge, Jake’s mom in front of me. I gulp down and glance at Jake who’s staring straight at his mom.
“Can I help you with the menu?” she asks.
“Yeah, I would like crispy bacon and fries,” I say.
Jake chuckles a bit and for a moment, even though Marge couldn’t see his face because he’s wearing a mask, she seems familiar with the sound of laugh. “It’s not breakfast,” he tells me.
“I'm just into it. Is that a problem with it?” I ask him.
“No. Not at all. Beer please,” Jake says.
“Have you eaten something? Food? Another fries please.”
“Seriously, I don’t need fries,” he says. Marge's already leaving.
“I can’t believe you order beer. You’re the driver. I mean you’re the rider.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t drink until I’m drunk.”
“That’s what everyone always says. But they’re still drunk.”
Jake looks at me intently. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to be drunk. I’m not an ass.”
Marge comes back with the fries and crispy bacon for me, also fries for Jake. Jake shakes his head.
“You shouldn’t order fries,” he says when he takes one.
“Why do you drink a beer?” I ask him.
“I’m legal to drink it. Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my manager.”
“Sorry,” I say.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry. So why were you crying?”
“I heard about Ren’s conversation with Doctor Hugh. Doctor Hugh told Ren that I’ve made a progress.”
Jake smiles. “That’s a good news.”
“No. I’m afraid he’s wrong. I’m afraid that I won’t recover. I mean it happened a long time ago. I should have recovered.”
“Many people need time to recover. You’re just one of them. You’ll be stronger next time.”
“I hope so,” I say.
Jake’s beer comes out next and he drinks it a bit and tells me if I want to see cool thing.
Jake pays the bills and goes outside. He doesn’t look back. Maybe he’s afraid, if he looks back, he’ll not be able to leave.
“What kind of cool thing?” I ask him.
Jake climbs up the ladder and goes up to the rooftop of Clear Deal.
“Oh my god,” I say. “Seriously?”
“It’s gonna be fun. Come on up, let me help you.”
I climb up the ladder slowly and reach his hand. I can’t say anything when we’re up there.
It feels like it dumps my sorrow away.
I glance at Jake and he gives me a smile. Such a warm smile and I feel safe and happy.
“Anyway, shouldn’t we be going home? I mean, Jud could be so angry because we’re not home. I mean you’re not home.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll understand.”