DAYS OF SUMMER ( Either Moving On Or Giving Up )

Twelve

"Is it a crime to love her?

She's so novel

Weird, but deadly charming

And I couldn't help myself falling in love with her."

- The Deadly Charming ( Oliver Ron's music piece, page 97 )

It's a day for intern, they said.

A girl, also an intern from editing sector, Casey invites me to lunch at nearby diner with every other interns. It seems like a great opportunity to meet another interns.

A part of me hopes that no one will talk about my grandpa. I still hear many gossips about me and I'm worried that it will distract me and my job here. Even though, it's just a temporary job, I still want to do my best.

Casey is everything I'm not.

She's brave, she's from Minnesota, travelling here just to have a job in LA to prove everyone in her town that she could make it. She will make it happen.

I don't think I will actually have courage to go far away from my family.

Another intern, Monet. Yes, he's named after an artist. He's also in editing and pictures department. He's also cool. But he kinda makes me nervous.

Casey smiles at me. "I think Monet likes you," she tells me when I wash my hands. She actually goes to the bathroom.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know Monet. He thinks you're different," she says and smiles. But it doesn't reach her eyes.

When I walk back to the table, I feel lonely. Everyone here is friends with everyone else. Whereas me, I'm nobody here.

It also makes me remember about Oliver.

That was a very weird day.

Oliver said that he would treat me and he did. He said to go to Berry Dice. They sold a lot of pancakes and Oliver loved pancakes.

I was thinking about what kind of attire I would wear and when I found it, I started to break down.

It could be a date and I didn't prepare myself.

Oliver told me that he would wait for me there. When I arrived, I found Oliver sitting in the seat near window. He didn't wear any suit and tie, just like what I imagined.

But there's a cake on the table.

When he saw me, his face lit up.

I was always nobody. But at that time, there's Oliver. At Berry Dice, we were nobody. Just two costumers.

I look at Monet who's smiling at me. I feel like I shouldn't even come at the first place. Why did everyone choose to sit beside the window?

I've already forgotten about Oliver, but it seems like I was wrong. I can't and won't forget about him. There's always a way for me to remember him.

I tell Casey that I have to leave and that I will pay for my food.

It's just.. I don't want to remember about Oliver.

"Summer! Summer!"

Monet is trying to catch up with me!

"Monet, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be there?"

"I'll drive you."

"It's okay," I tell him. "I'll be fine."

"I insist," he says.

I smile. He's persistent. "Fine. Lead the way."

At the car ride, both of us are quiet. Monet seems to aware of my ease and starts to turn on the radio.

"We're back at Sound System Radio where you all will hear about every underground artists whom are very great. Let's start with number one track. My Heart is for You."

"Ugh," he says. "I'll change the channel."

"It's okay," I say. "Their songs are civil."

The first song is great and so bare. I don't doubt that the guy who wrote it are talented. Like a small jewel who will continue to grow beautifully if it continues to be honed.

"The next song is given to a girl. For the girl who knows this song, we hope you listen. It's The Deadly Charming."

"What kind of a song named The Deadly Charming?" Monet asks, laughing.

But I can't laugh or smile. I can't even say anything.

"I will give my song to Sound System Radio."

"You will?" I asked Oliver. "Which song?"

"Just wait and see," he said and smiled the smile I always loved to see.

"Can she even hear me

Or believe me?

She's the only muse I've ever had

So can she love me back?

Is it a crime to love her?

She's so novel

Weird, but deadly charming

And I couldn't help myself falling in love with her."

"This dude really seems to like this girl," Monet says. "We arrive anyway."

"Thanks," I say. I think it's time for me to take my pills. My mind is blank. I can't even feel the presence of everyone. I feel like I want to throw up.

It seems to be so rude, but I can't take it anymore. I quickly get out from the car and dash up to a very narrow corner. I need to cry all of my heart out.

It's Oliver.

I can't hear his own voice, telling that he's in love. I destroy him.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver," I say while my tears are falling down. I take the pill from my pocket and eat it. It's hard with no water. But I need them. Yes, I really need them. At least, that's my need before everything goes blank.

Oliver. Oliver.

Do you hate me?

I'm sorry that you had to take care of a depressed girl who looked at you like you're her world.

I know it must be so hard for you.

But you didn't fake your feelings.

You learned to take care of me and eventually liked me.

I don't know it's a romantic feeling or not, like the way I feel for you.

But you're so nice, Oliver.

I love you.