DAYS OF SUMMER ( Either Moving On Or Giving Up )

Twenty One

“Come to think about everything,
I’m always alone. Alone.
I want to feel love
Because everyone deserves to feel it.”
-Hara Johnson

“Summer!”
I look up and see Ryan Carson. Why is he here?
“Don’t cry,” he says. “I’m sorry about everything.”
“It’s not your fault,” I say.
He sits beside me. “Do you know that everything always end like this? Me comforting everyone.”
“What do you mean?” I ask him with a weak smile.
“Dean was like you before when Jake chose Katy. Like she said, everyone always chooses Katy. I was there and told her that everything will be fine.”
“I know. I grew up without a father. Why does it matter when he shows up? He’s not my dad after all.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because I think I feel the need to cry,” I say.
“You’re different than Dean. She must think you’re just like her. But you’re stronger than her.”
“You must be crazy about that.”
“No, Dean is bitter because she’s weak at that time. But you’re not going to be bitter like her.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“Sorry that I’m the one who chase after you.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m hoping that it’s Ren, actually. Because he’s my brother.”
“No, I thought Jake will chase you.”
Jake? “What do you mean?”
“As much as I hate him. He’s different. He may be a bad boy everyone talks about. But he’s not going to hurt you, I guess. Remember when Jake got angry at your brother at the party when your brother punched him? It’s because Jake threatened your brother that he’ll tell you. He thought that it’s not nice to lie to you. And he let your brother punch him because Jake thought that he’s also the blame too.”
Just that, Jake shows up. When he sees us, he glares at Ryan. He almost lungs for him before I shout enough. Jake sighs.
“Go away, Carson.”
“And what if I don’t want to?” Ryan asks him.
“I'm not in the mood for that.”
Ryan sighs. “Fine. This time I’ll give up, but the next time, I won’t, Summer. After all, you’ve always been my favourite.”
“What do you mean by that?” I ask him.
Ryan shakes his head. “God, you forget about us. All of us.” But he leaves.
I smile weakly at Jake. If he’s really like that at that party, I just don’t know why he did that.
“Hey,” he says. “Are you okay?”
“Fine, I guess. I was about to eat my pill before Ryan’s here.”
Jake takes the pill and dumps it to pool. “Good. You don’t need it.”
“Can we not talk about everything?” I ask him. “I don’t want to talk about everything. About Ren or even Sail. It’s enough.”
“Alright.”
We’re quiet for the rest of the night. Jake takes me to his suite so he can make sure that I’m not alone or I won’t eat the pills.
I think about Dean's proposition. I don’t even want to see Ren anymore. I have nothing to accomplish.
It’s hard to say that I don’t care even if Katy really takes my brother away.
“Jake, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” he replies. “What is it?”
“Let’s play the secret games again. I want to know if there’s a secret you keep from me. If it’s about me, I want to know.”
“Do you know that we met when you’re five years old?”
“Really, I don’t remember it.”
“I was one of the child actors who’s assigned to work in Hara's film. There’s me, Ryan, Dean, and Katy.”
I stare at him. “That’s how Sail met Katy's mom, right?”
“Yes,” he answers. “But that’s not the point. You see, do you remember there are two boys that time. One red haired and one blonde haired. That’s me and Ryan.”
“Obviously,” I say.
Jake gives me a look. “We thought that you must have been afraid of the lights and we tried to calm you down. But Ryan was more confident, so he talked to you.”
“But you didn’t?”
“I didn’t,” he replies. “But I’m the one who’s talking with you now, right?”
I smile, blushing. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he says.
“Have you ever been in love with somebody?”
“I’m 21 years old. Of course I’ve been. What about you?”
“I don’t know. I miss him, though. But I can’t meet him anymore.”
“Then, just call him.”
“I can’t, too.” I stare at him. “I’ve seen you with Katy. You love her, right?”
Jake’s just quiet. “I take it as a yes,” I say. “It’s so convenient to have your love one right beside you. But I can’t be beside him anymore. He’s gone, forever. I think I understand why Ren didn’t want to tell me this. I still can’t forgive him, but I know he must be afraid I’ll go mad. I mean, I just lost somebody I love and my mom. Despite I try so much to hate her, I know I can’t. And I’ll end up like her. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I want to sleep. Good night, Jake.”