Something Just Like This | ✔️

Chapter five: Lost and Insecure

She noticed the same behaviours for weeks. She tried to spend more time observing him. She almost guessed what the problem was. She was pretty familiar with those stuff. Until one day, she was sure.

That day, after school, Sam stayed  back for a while to take photos for the school magazine. And Haley stayed just because she was worried about him. She wanted to make sure Sam went out of school safe and okay. She needed to kill some time and she also didn't want Sam to know that she was literally stalking him. So, she thought of doing something productive. She went to the history teacher's room and started consulting about her homework. After half an hour, she saw Sam going towards his locker.

She knew it was her time to leave. She slowly ran  after him. Then as she went closer, she tiptoed. She stayed behind him. He put his bag in the locker and locked it.

Then he stayed there for some time more. She stood there for ten minutes straight. Sam didn't even notice. He was busy. Haley was surprised and also terrified to see that her intuition was right. He did exactly what she thought he would. She saw him checking his locker straight for ten minutes, ensuring that it was locked.

She saw him pushing and pulling the door of the locker, making sure he didn't leave it open. She watched him for ten minutes straight until she couldn't  anymore.

"IT'S CLOSED!", she literally screamed at him.

She walked up to him and said, "Look, it's closed." She pulled the locker and it didn't open. "Trust me, it's locked"

Sam stormed off seeing her.

Sam: What the fuck are you doing here ? you're stalking me now? Leave me alone

Haley: Sam, it's okay. I understand. Why are you getting mad?

Sam : What's okay ? Goodness Haley, stop making everything an issue. Just go home.

Haley: Sam, You know very well that it is an issue. Why did you never tell me ? Why did you not tell anyone ?

"Tell you what ?!" He literally screamed," That I have OCD ? That I check the locker fifty times just to make sure it's locked ? That I have to wash my hands several times and make sure I touch nothing afterwards other than my food? That I spend half an hour checking the door every night after everyone is asleep or else I can't lie in my bed peacefully ? Is that what you want me to tell you ? So that you think I am crazy ?!

Haley stood still. She felt as if her whole world turned upside down. How could she not ask him before. How cold she let him suffer like this.

She felt her eyes getting teary. She couldn't let the tears come out in front of him. She couldn't let him see her cry because of this. She couldn't help it. She pulled Sam close and hugged him tightly. She didn't know what else to do.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so damn sorry", she said in a tearful voice. Her voice cracked down and she held to his t-shirt tightly.

Sam realised she was crying. He felt guilty. Even he didn't know why. Why does his sufferings affect her so much. But he knew that she cared.

If he wanted, he could cry too. He could literally let out an ocean. Because OCD has made him suffer for years. And finally there was someone who made him not feel insecure about it. He just wanted to let it all out. But he kept shut.

If he broke down, what would Haley do ?

"Haley.", he whispered.

Haley came out of his arms.

"Why are you crying?"

"I know how it's like Sam. How hard it is. How much it makes you suffer. How it is harder when you can't tell anyone and you have to do it all alone. And I can't believe I let you suffer like this."

"You didn't know. It's not your fault", Sam replies.

"I should've known"

"It's not your fault, Haley"

"Can we get out of here ?" Sam asked.

"Yeah,of course", she held his hand.

As they went out of the school, they came to the playground in their area. They sat on a white wooden bench.

" You too?" Sam asked with his head down.

Haley : Six years straight. Since I was a kid

Sam : That...that's huge. What about now ?

Haley : It's mostly gone you know. Medicines, consultation of my family, and a lot of mental strength. It took me a long time to come out of it Sam.

Sam : I am glad you are free now. Because it sucks. And no one gets it. Everyone thinks that you are making it up and you can stop it if you want and you're not trying. And they just..

Haley : I know. They just make you feel like you are responsible for what is happening to you.

Sam : Yeah.

Haley :You are not alone. I swear. And you know what, hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems  grow in the dark and only get bigger and bigger. But when exposed to the light, they shrink. So take off your mask. Stop pretending you're perfect. Because no one is and no one can ever be.

She stopped for a second and said,

"Let me know anything you want to say."

"Thank you" he said as if he just let go. He had no more strength. He kept his head on her shoulders.

He suddenly started saying," I couldn't say it to any of you guys. I told my cousins and they thought I was crazy. So, I thought you guys would think the same."
He took a breath. "It's so hard. To stop. To stop the thoughts. To stop the actions. To stop hurting yourself ", he continued.

Haley took his hands and looked at his palm. She could see red scars on his fingers. And a big bruise in the middle of the palm.

"The doors and lockers have sharp edges I guess", she said as she caressed the fingers. "

How did the bruise happen ?", she asked.

"I opened my drawer of photos and the photos weren't aligned correctly after I closed it. So I slightly opened it and put my hand to fix it and a piece of wood went inside the palm", he slowly said.

Haley tightly held his hand as he told her these. It was way too painful. Hearing his words, she felt like someone was telling her story all over again. And she could only imagine what Sam was going through.

She took his other hand and it was all dry. Like when you take long showers everyday or you put hands under water way too frequently. It felt dry and hard. It was not the hands she knew. She felt those hands when he put on the bracelet during summer festival lunch. It was soft and smooth. And now, it was a whole other touch.

" You use too much water", she said.

"You know why", he sighed.

"Put on some lotion. That will help",she looked into his eyes and tried to smile but failed. His eyes were in too much pain to smile at.

They sat like that for almost an hour.

Then she walked him home. For the first time. He seemed so calm when she left him at the doorstep. He felt light and he had faith again. Like he had someone who he could trust as his own. She was satisfied to see him like that.

As she went back home, she found her mom waiting on the couch.

Mom: Haley!! Where were you ? I was worried sick!

Haley :Mom, I am so sorry. Actually a friend of mine needed some help,so I got late.
Mom : A friend ? Sam ?
Haley : Um yeah. Sam

"Okay. Freshen up and have some food", Mom gave her a smile.

She went to her room, took a shower and had some food. She was absent minded. All she could think about was Sam.

She promised herself," I will help you out of this. I promise to not give up."