I don't....know anymore.
And I don't know how many time I'll write that before I do.
So much language, so many sounds,
and I can't hear anything because
everything drowns out everyone.
I don't understand people, how they think,
why they bother with lives they never wanted,
lives that go no where,
with people they hate,
and people they wish they loved.
I just...I know it's all supposed to connect,
some profound one liner that explains it all,
but I can never see it clearly.
I keep acquiring all of this knowledge,
and I know it's useless.
It's not helping me to understand this anymore,
I am sincerely confused
and what's worse is that I think I've lost my humanity trying to figure it all out.
I think the worst things sometimes,
I don't even see them coming
so I can grind them to a halt.
There is only a train wreck,
a collision of thought and intense fear and guilt
of what my mind is capable of.
I can't command my thoughts to submission,
I'm like a slave to my thoughts,
I take what I'm given.
I don't know if this will end.
I don't know how I will live if it does.
SK
