(ON HOLD) Worth-full? (Sans X Depressed!Self-harming!Reader)

Chapter 3: Panic Attack

TW: panic attack, self harm

  We tread through the snow, well more like I tread through the snow. Sans just casually walks along the path as if there was no snow. I squint my eyes toward him, inspecting him. Never in my life have I met anyone like him.

    He gives off this calming aura that makes me feel safety that I've felt before. Why do I feel like that? I sigh at the thought unsure about this feeling.

      "You've been awfully quiet," Sans states breaking my thoughts. I just hum in response. From the corner of my eye I see him frown a bit from my unresponsive state. I notice that Sans shrugs it off.

       See? Even the skeleton doesn't care, why would anyone else do? My fake smile falls into a frown. Have you ever thought about why no one cares? Well think about it. You're clearly useless and no one would want to deal with someone as annoying and self seeking as you. Like everyone at school would say: "What an attention whore," "Look it's that self cutter attention seeking, Y/N". Let all this sink in and think about it.

      I stopped in my tracks. My body shook and my breath shortened. I see my vision blur a bit from tears. My heart sped up rapidly. No not now! I can't have a panic attack now!!

     I feel myself hyperventilating and it feels like I'm going to die. My feet turn into jelly as I stumble to the cold snowy ground, my breathing becoming raspy and short. Sans was up ahead and didn't notice my absence. Yet.

     I can't let him see me like this! Come on calm yourself Y/N!

     My eyes were filled with tears as they streamed down my cheeks. I felt extremely lightheaded as if I was about to pass out. My heart continued racing at an unbelievable speed. The cold didn't bother me as I dug my fingers into the snow trying to grip something.

   At this point Sans seemed to have noticed my absence and turned toward my direction. His facial expression is something I wouldn't have imaged someone giving to me! He looked so terrified, worried, and concerned at the same time. In almost an instant he ran over me and immediately held me in his arms.

    Why is he holding me? I barely know him!!

    "Shh it's okay, I'm here," he whispered to me softly.

    He's only doing this because he thinks you're worthless! He doesn't and won't care for you!!

    I sat there is shock but I didn't care as I still haven't calmed down. Sans rubbed the small of my back, calming me. This helped me restore my breathing a bit and slow down my rapid heart.

    "Everything is okay. Just breath," his low, deep voice was very gentle. His warmth allowed me to relax, letting me to momentarily silence my thoughts.

      After a few minutes of me calming down, I feel a wave of tears rush out from me. Sans didn't seem to be fazed by this as he continued rubbing my back. I don't like the idea of anyone touching me but I don't fight back this time.

   "Shh kiddo, just take deep breaths," he calmed me. HIs presence in general calmed me. I take a shaky breath and calm down.

    I continued taking deep breaths and eventually calmed down fully. My cheeks felt cold and wet from the tears. I sniffled from my stuffy nose and sneezed.

   "Bless you, now tell me what that was there. You scared me half to death," Sans looks down at me worriedly, still holding me.

   "I'm s-sorry Sans, I just had a panic attack," I explain avoiding eye contact with the skeleton. "I'm sorry," I feel another wave of tears coming.