WALLACE AND GROMIT SMUT

pineapples (for callir)

Gromit stormed into the dark bedroom, looking for his slippers, and flicked on the lights with a light touch of his paw. Then he heard a gasp; One that sent shivers down his spine. He turned, only to see Wallace, wearing nothing but his pants. And there was a huge bulge in his pants. And it looked as though there were green things sticking out of the hem.

A...

"Pineapple?" Wallace offered quickly, pulling the golden, spiky fruit from his pants, whilst a nervous smile was forced across his plasticine-y cheeks. Gromit could only stare in curiosity at Wallace, somewhat aroused at his husband's sudden mysteriousness.

"Why do you have a..."

"A pineapple?"

Wallace suddenly blushed, bright beetroot, and Gromit's brow furrowed. He tilted his head to the side in wonder, his doggy ears flopping to the side. Wallace gulped.

"I- Uhm... It... It..." Wallace was flubbing his words, beyond humiliated that Gromit had walked in on him at that time. Gromit was not at all humiliated.

"Go on, don't be embarrassed..." Gromit's eyes suddenly darkened, and he looked up at Wallace with a smirk. "Whatever the reason is, I bet it's sexy." He continued, his voice suddenly husky.

Wallace gulped. "It... Fine. It... It makes you... Taste better..." He looked down, even his bald, shiny forehead red with embarrassment.

Gromit suddenly spat out his tea that he'd drunk five minutes earlier.

"I'm sorry- What?"

"It makes you taste bett-"

Gromit interrupted him by spitting out his tea once again.

"Wally... You know that I love you... But that's disgusting."

Wallace's head dropped and he began to awkwardly shuffle his feet, quietly mumbling to himself for a moment, before speaking audibly.

"Believe me, you'd appreciate it."

"A PINEAPPLE, WALLIS?!"

"Well... What did you think  I was doing?"

"I don't know... STENGTHENING THE PENI???" Gromit was livid, his hands on his doggy head as he began to pace the room. "You weren't even DOING it right!"
"Well, how was I supposed to do it, then?"
Gromit looked over at Kirstie, who sat in the corner of the room, staring at them whilst still typing something on her phone.

"Don't look at me... I didn't ask! I didn't even want to know about this disgusting thing... I was just spamming with fruit emojis when I sent a pineapple one and this Aussie guy told me some disgusting-arse story!" She promptly disappeared into thin air.

Gromit turned back to Wallace, beyond annoyed. "Anyway- That's not the point! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?! Did you have any idea that the reason that your lips sting when you eat a pineapple is because it contains digestive enzymes which means that when you eat a pineapple, it is literally eating you back?!"

Wallace gulped. "Yeah, but-"

"I don't want to hear it, Wallace." Gromit snapped, tears brimming in his doggy eyes. "That's disgusting. You disgust me. I don't know why I even married you. Now, if you want to save this marriage, you'd better go into that kitchen right now and make me a pineapple smoothie. Then get your arse back here, because I'm now really curious about the pineapple thing."

Wallace registered what Gromit had said, his face contorting in puzzlement. "But-"

"You heard me, Wallace. Now hurry up and get me that smoothie so that I can love you like the disgusting animal you are. Oh- And save me two slices of pineapple. I want to wear them when we make love."