Depression and self harm quotes and poems.

18

Last night I texted a friend
I asked her what she thought about me truly
She said I had to grow up
I was far too sensitive
She said that every time I was confronted
Or told something wrong
I would cry ever time and get super mad
The truth is I never got mad
I did everything in me not to cry
I didn't do it because of being told what was said
I cried because I knew that no matter what
My best was never enough
It was like she stabbed me a million times
Then acted like she was the one that was hurt
She got all the help
While I bleed to death
She said,"You just always wait for someone to talk to you first, and if they don't talk to you it gives you a reason to get depressed and mad at the person. So you get yourself all worked up over someone not talking first."
What she didn't realize was I wanted to talk
I just couldn't
I felt weak and that no one cared
Maybe they would notice if I don't talk
Maybe they would see that I need help
Turns out my silence came back as a slap across the face
She said it was babyish that I couldn't talk to my own friends about my problems
She said it was dumb
What she didn't know was the fact that
I don't even know what my problem is anymore
I've just gotten so sad
So sad that I can't even feel it
I'm completely numb
I try to call out
I tried to get help
No one seen the tears I help back
No one heard me when I screamed and cried in the shower with a razor in hand at the ready
No one cared when I sat all by myself
No one noticed how my lunch at school went from packed to a school's salad
No one noticed that I only got around five bites at lunch
No one cared when I left the lunch table to rush to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall
I don't talk first
I don't because I know that I'm not worth anyone's time
If they want to talk to me they will
If they don't then they won't
I guess I'm too soft
I'm weak
It's starting to show now
I've got to fight it
It won't be the end yet
Or is it?