Pleasure

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I can't believe I tried to kiss Lucas. I tried to kiss Lucas? Or I was just trying to.. I don't know. I don't know what happened. What was I thinking? Why would I even attempt something like that? That's something I need to take with me to the grave. I couldn't tell anyone about that. I feel so embarrassed, I was so vulnerable. It would've been so much worse if he didn't stop me. He's a good guy, but I don't need to be going around trying to ... whatever I tried to do with him. That could start a whole different chain of events and nobody knows the consequences for them.

Whatever I was thinking, I never want to think again. That moment in time didn't happen because I realize he's not Jacob and he will never be. I looked for Jacob in someone else and I feel like shit about it.

I pull up to my house and surprisingly don't see Jacob waiting there. It's a relief but I'm also sad. I don't know what I would do if I saw him anyway. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to see him. He's been calling me and at this point I'm kind of just fed up with it. I can only imagine how pissed he is or what he's thinking. I want him to be on edge. I didn't deserve any of his Courtney problems. His ex, his problem. I'm done dealing with a crazy, delusional blonde who still wants something she had a long time ago.

I walk into my house and see my parents sitting down at the table. They look at me as I drop my bag at the edge of the couch. I don't want to say anything to them, but I know I have to.

"Hey," I mumble lowly.

"Hey sweetie. Jacob called for you earlier, we told him you were at school. Does he not go to school?" My mom asks.

"Tell him I'm not home if he calls again." I directly state, ignoring her question. They give me a strange look.

"Everything alright?" My mom questions. I nod and start walking to my room. I open my room door and close it behind me.

I see Jacob sitting nonchalantly on my bed. He jumps up when he sees me, then paces my way.

"What the fu-" he puts his hand over my mouth and goes to my door before locking it.

"Don't freak out." He warns quietly, but it's too late for that. How the hell did he manage to get into my room? Who does he think he is? Why wouldn't I freak out? I remove his hand from my mouth and look at him like he's crazy, considering he actually might be.

"How the hell did you get in my room?" I inquire, feeling a bit concerned about who else could break into my room if they wanted to.

"You weren't answering my calls," he starts, completely ignoring my elephant-in-the-room of a question. "Whatever Courtney said or did, Aria, I promise you she's just trying to get to you."

"Yeah well, too late." I mumble, walking over to my bed then sitting down on the edge. I immediately think about the pictures. The images that won't leave my mind. I blink hard to block out my thoughts.

He walks over to where I am and kneels down in front of me. He stares up at me with soft eyes, making it almost impossible not to look away. I can't look away. He knows what he does. He knows how to make me fall all over again. I don't want to. No, I don't need to. With Jacob, comes a bunch of Jacob problems.

He places his hands on my thighs and squeezes lightly. I grab his hand and clench it tightly, warning him to stop with my eyes. I'm practically begging him. He stares back intensely, not budging his hands.

"Jacob," I apprise.

"I'm not leaving, Aria." He utters. "I'm not leaving until we fix this. You're not just some girl, okay? I care about you in ways you can't begin to imagine. You're so precious and fragile."