Pleasure

Chapter Forty-Five

It's like it happened quickly, but slow enough for me to catch on. I push him away and wipe my lips, even though they barely touched mine. He stares down at me with confused, yet sympathetic eyes.

"Why did you do that?" I ask. He shakes his head quickly as his face turns a bright red color.

He drops his face into his hands and starts mumbling, "No no no, why'd I do that?" I arch my eyebrows at him, wondering the same thing myself. I almost feel bad. I tried the same thing and he reacted way better than I did.

"Lucas..." I lay my hand on his shoulder, sympathetically. He lifts his head and stares at me.

"I'm sorry, Aria." He murmurs. He hesitates before immediately pacing off. I want to call for him, but the bell rings, letting me know I'm now late for class. I shut my locker and make my way down the empty hallway.

At lunch, I go out to my car. I figured it would be awkward sitting with Lucas when we have some much tension between us. I don't even think it's tension, it's just confusion. Maybe it's not even that, but either way, avoiding each other is the best option right now.

I don't want to talk about what happened nor do I want to think about it. He confuses me. But I know I confuse him too. He doesn't know Jacob and I made up. Well at least we did make up. Now we're back to square one. We almost seem to make our way around this mountain, only to end up back at the bottom. But Lucas doesn't know anything about that. He doesn't understand. True enough I tried to kiss him, but thinking about it now, I couldn't have actually gone through with that delirious plan. He's not Jacob. Nobody is like Jacob. Nobody has got a hold on me the way Jacob does. The thought of my lips touching anyone other than Jacob's makes my mind foggy and my stomach knot.

While pacing towards the back of the parking lot, I notice a boy leaning against his car smoking a cigarette. He wipes hair away from his face, revealing himself as he takes a deep inhale of the white stick. My heart sinks slowly as my brain recognizes who it is. I'm not sure if I should bolt to my car or talk to him, but my feet unwillingly make their way to his body.

He inhales quickly and holds smoke in his mouth before exhaling. His hypnotizing green eyes pierce up at me. He bites his pink, bottom lip and flicks the end of his cigarette onto the ground. I feel my knees get weak from his stare. I let my lungs fill up with air before exhaling quickly.

"Since when do you smoke cigarettes?" I question, gripping the strap on my backpack.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me." Jacob grunts before taking a puff off of his cigarette.

"Did you actually think that I would listen?" He smirks, but it hides bitterness. I can't seem to decipher if he's happy with my presence or not. "Jacob,"

"Lemme ask you something." He cuts me off and takes another inhale on the cigarette. My face pinches tightly for a moment before going back to its normal resting-bitch-face state. "When I told you .. those things, were you afraid of me?" I bite my lip and look away for a moment. "Don't lie." He snaps, stopping me from actually telling a lie.

"Yes," I mumble lowly, looking down at the ground in somewhat shame of myself. I can't lie, I did want to get out of the car. It was the heat of the moment, and I've had time to think it over, so he can't put it all on me based only on those minutes that I was with him.

"So why'd you come back Aria? I'm bad for you and you know it, so why'd you choose to come back?" He questions, putting his cigarette down and arching his eyebrows at me the way he always does.

"Because I had to."

"No, because you wanted to." He growls in a low tone, correcting me. He towers over me, bringing darkness with him. The smell of nicotine lingers in the depths of his throat as his breaths slowly hit my face and disperse, pushing microscopic strands of hair away from my forehead. I clench my jaw and stare up at him, trying hard to stand my ground. I'm looking at him but he's looking through me. It's almost as if I can't win. He won't let me and he never will, and that's not fair.

I swallow down the clump in my throat before parting my lips slowly. "Why are you being like this?"

"Because I have to."

"Because you want to." I correct him. His eyes flicker from my statement and he draws his head back. I now feel like I have the upper hand. He searches my face for a moment before licking his bottom lip and pulling it into his mouth. Just like that, I feel my advantage decrease as my heart palpitates and my knees become weak as the world under me becomes deadly quick sand.

Jacob takes his thumb and softly strokes my cheek. His eyes goes soft as they make their way to my lips. I want him in so many ways, he can't even imagine. I bite my lip quickly, thinking about how I want him. His face suddenly pinches, almost unnoticeably. He shakes his head slightly before pulling his hand back.

"I can't do this with you." He mumbles, then inhales smoke. My eyes wander to the ground as my thoughts of him begin to change. I shake my head, feeling a pit of anger boil in the bottom of my stomach.

"You're scared." I state. His head snaps at me immediately after my words come out. His face gets red and hard as he pushes off the car and towers over me.

"What?"

"I'm not scared of you! God, Jacob stop fitting everyone's stereotype. You're not a bad guy, at least not to me. So don't push me away because I'm the only one who cares about you." I pause for a moment, catching my breath. His expression is still hard but I know my words are hitting him. "I care about you, Jacob."

He stares down at me, saying nothing. His face says it all, though. I hurt his feelings. Until now it was almost impossible to tell he had any, but I struck deep beneath the surface.

He throws his cigarette on the ground and looks around the fairly empty parking lot. He stops for a moment, staring at something in the distance. I furrow my eyebrows and follow his eyes.

Courtney is sitting at the picnic table with her friends, but her eyes are only on us. For the first time, she looks completely emotionless. She doesn't seem jealous or envious, she's just emotionless. And her eyes hide what words can't describe. She looks truly empty.

I turn back to Jacob and feel a sour taste in my mouth. His bright green eyes are already locked on mine, watching me intensely. "Is that why you can't do this?"

He locks his jaw for a moment before opening his mouth and saying, "Get in the car." He digs in his pocket and pulls out his car keys. He unlocks the doors and climbs in, not waiting for me to deny his request.

I wasn't going to deny it anyway. I want answers, and I'm going to get them one way or another. So I get in the car.