Pleasure

Chapter Forty

Jacob

I miss her. I miss her so much. She's all I think about and I can't help but miss her. I miss kissing her and running my hand through her hair. I miss looking at her smile and making her laugh. I want her so bad in so many ways. It's not fair. I fucked up and it's not fair. I hate that she's got such a hold on me. I hate it but I love her. I love everything about her. I wish she knew the truth about me. I wish she knew everything. I was right from the beginning, our relationship was doomed. She's too innocent and I'm too much of a mess.

I take another swig of alcohol and it burns going down my throat. I press my lips together and shut my eyes quickly. I see her face in the darkness of my mind. I'm a fucking mess without her. It's like losing my sister all over again. I got attached to this girl and now I'm stuck. This is why I never caught feelings. Not even with Courtney. She was just someone to help me pass time. I lead her on, that's my fault. I made her depend on me.

"Hey honey," a woman slips her fingers around my shoulder. The noise of my uncle's bar starts to come back as I step out of my thoughts and back into reality. I shoot the woman a look. She's clearly one of my uncle's friends. "You look a little down."

"I am." I blankly state. I take another gulp of my drink and look at her up and down. She's not Aria. Nowhere close to her. I feel disgusted and I'm not sure if it's with her or if it's with myself.

She holds out her hand and says, "Why don't I make your night a little better."

I swish the alcohol around in my cup and glare down at her hand. The chatter and noise of the bar makes it hard to concentrate or focus on anything. My mind feels like mush and my vision is practically shot. I need to go home. I need to get away from this place. My dad was in the same spot, drinking the same drink, falling apart the same way I am. I don't want to be like that. He lost himself after my mother died. I don't want to be that way. But I can't help but feel this. I can't help but fall apart in this same bar, in this same spot. Everything feels like nothing.

So I take her hand...

The Next Morning

I wake up with a pounding headache. My vision is blurry and my mind is foggy. I only remember excessively drinking last night, but even that is hard to remember.

When I sit up, gravity hits me worse and knocks the sense out of me. My throat feels extremely dry, and I feel like I can't talk if I tried. The pressure on my head is almost unbearable. There's a faint ringing in my ears and no matter how much I try to blink it away, it stays put.

I struggle to get up. My legs are wobbly and they almost give out on me. I slowly make my way to the kitchen and get a bottle of water. I notice food left out from last night. I must've eaten when I got home, but it looks like an animal was in here. It also smells in here. There's a mixture of alcohol, food, and throw up. I hope I made it to the toilet, trash can, or sink, because I'm too hungover to clean up vomit.

I go to the cabinet and find a Tylenol. I pop two in my mouth and wash it down with water. I go the freezer and get a pack of cold peas to place on my forehead. I struggle to get to the couch. Every task seems like the most difficult one.

As soon as I put my feet up and close my eyes, there's a loud pounding on my door. My eyes fly open and I lay there for a moment as the banging echoes in my head. It doesn't stop, which makes me wonder who it is.

I roll over on my side and get up. I trudge pitifully to the door and grab the oddly wet handle. When I open the door, I see Courtney standing there with her hand on her hip. I roll my eyes and shut the door, but her hand palms it, keeping it open. I groan, too hung over to argue with her.

"Jacob," she whines. "We need to talk."

"No, we really don't. I told you to stop showing up uninvited." I pause for a moment, trying to regain my balance. "Wait, no, I told you to stop showing up period."

She rolls her eyes and asks, "Did you go drinking last night?"

"So what if I did, stop trying to baby me Courtney." I bark. She jerks her head back and makes a sour face. "I'm not your boyfriend anymore, go home."

She wiggles her way inside and shuts the door behind her. She places her hands on my cheeks, but I immediately grab them. I glare down at her with a warning look. I'm not drunk enough to make this mistake again.

She snaps her head at me and pouts. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why are you crazy?" I retort. She scoffs and walks over to my couch. She leans back on it and crosses her legs, batting her eyelashes up at me.

"I'm not," she voices and bites her lip. She gets up and walks over to me again. She runs a finger against my chest and says, "I'm stuck on a promise that you never kept."

God why'd I ever date this girl? I grab her finger and raise an eyebrow to her. "We broke up, okay? You had no right to barge in and ruin the relationship I had with Aria."

She laughs bitterly and throws her arms in the air. "She's so annoying, jeez. Aria this, Aria that. There was something before Aria, Jacob."

I clench my jaw and look down at her. "That's over." I bark. She realizes how angry she's making me, and that's good. I want her to know. "Why do you find pleasure in this? Why are you doing it?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to know you like I do." Courtney snaps. "All the little things I found out about you, about your family, she doesn't deserve to know them. She's not like me, she's too good for you. You know it's true."

I clench my jaw, cursing myself. I shouldn't let her get under my skin. Courtney knows so much more than I want her to. I wish I could go back in time and make her forget all about me. Things would be easier that way.

I look down at Courtney, who looks up at me hopefully. She wants to me to give in. She wants to succumb to her the way I did the night I saw her. That was a long time ago.

"You need to go." I demand.

"Jacob-"

"No, I'm not joking. It's over, this is the last time I will tell you. Leave me and Aria alone because no matter what you do or say, I'm still going to choose her." I prod. "It will always be her."

Courtney stares at me, wounded. She fixes her eyes to the door before clearing her throat. "Fine." She says with a poked out jaw. She makes her way towards the door, opens it, then stops in the doorway. She looks back at me before adding, "I warned you, Jake." She raises an eyebrow to me before finally leaving and shutting the door behind her.