Pleasure

Chapter Forty-Four

Aria

Monday's are the worst. I find no joy when my eyes flutter open and take in the morning sun. My mind hasn't left Jacob since he left me. He hasn't called nor texted, and I haven't been bold enough to make the first move. It's amazing how something so simple can turn into something so complicated.

I sort of dread going to school, only because I don't know what to expect. I'm not sure if I'll see him and if I do, what do I say? Do I even say anything? The thought of Courtney having the upper hand makes me upset, but at the end of the day I'm happy to know she's still bitter and alone. I don't want to face her or anyone else. Jacob and I weren't extremely public, but everyone knew we were dating. It's going to feel weird walking past each other in the hallway acting like we've never met before.

I've done so much with him. I feel like I've known him for forever and yet it's all over. I can't seem to fully accept it. He was practically my first for everything. I can't just let that go and act like none of it ever happened.

I haven't done anything with Jacob's secret but let it chew away at my mind. I don't think I could turn him in. I know Jacob isn't a dangerous person. We're all capable of things, but he wouldn't hurt me. But what if it was a confession? Is this what Courtney truly knows?

Questions begin to pile up in my mind as I start my morning routine. I get so distracted, I almost forget to finish each task I start.

"Are you okay?" My mom asks, pulling me away from the millions of questions that are repeating in my head. I look at her and nod blankly. "You seem distracted."

"I'm just thinking about this test I didn't study for." I lie, continuing to pour my cereal. She gives me a concerned look, and I figure she knows I'm lying.

"Well," she starts and gets up to put her dish in the sink. "I hope that you pass that test." She nudges me and at this point, I'm sure she knows there's no test.

After breakfast, I make my way to school. On the drive there, I nervously grip the steering wheel. I envy anyone who's happy today. I want to be as happy as them, or at least somewhat satisfied but all I can do is overthink and question everything.

When I pull into an empty parking spot in the back, I turn the car off and lean back, letting out a deep sigh. I close my eyes and picture Jacob. That's all I see when I close my eyes now. He's always there and he always will be there. Call me crazy but I want to see him. I miss him, I miss everything about him. I can't just do what he says and stay away, he knows I'm stubborn. He also knows he gets to me. It's practically impossible to do what he asked me to do.

I feel a newfound confidence wash over me. I don't know why but the thought of seeing Jacob now energizes me. All my questions need to be answered one way or another, no better person to hear it from than him.

I get out of my car and stride to the double doors in the front of the school. When I open them I feel a little discouraged. I don't know if I expected something to change when I stepped through the doors, but I know I feel disappointed. I shake my head and make my way to my locker, with a little less pep in my step.

By the time I get to my locker and put things away, the warning bell has already rung. I don't care about being late to be honest. Nothing seems quite right with Jacob being gone. Usually I'd see him in the mornings, if we didn't already drive to school together. He'd always lean against my locker and smirk at me, saying something witty or even romantic.

"Hey," I hear a voice behind me. I turn around and see Lucas standing behind me with his hands in his pockets. He purses his lips together and rocks back and forth on his heels.

"Hey." The disappointment on my face must be obvious because as soon as I greet him, he frowns at me.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks. I shake my head and bite the inside of my cheek.

"No, sorry. I've just ... it's been a rough morning."

"Jeez, Winter, it just started. I'm sure it'll get better." He moves his lips to one side and half smiles. I sigh bitterly and look down for a moment. I'm not sure what would make this morning better. To be quite honest, all I want is to see Jacob and make these questions disappear. I want nothing more than to go back to a normal happy relationship, even though Jacob and I were far from normal. We were at least something, and now we're nothing.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Lucas inquires, making my eyes remove themselves from the floor to look at him. I nod but say nothing.

"About what happened back at my house..." he trails off as his eyes wander away from mine. I feel my cheeks begin to burn. I didn't think he'd bring it up and frankly I didn't want him to. I wasn't myself and I want to forget the whole thing ever happened.

"Lucas, no offense but can we forget all about that? I wasn't thinking straight, okay? I don't know, I shouldn't have done it. It was totally out of line and trust me, it won't happen again." I ramble, feeling more and more embarrassed with every word that escapes my lips.

"Aria," he interjects. "I just feel like I shouldn't have pushed you away like that."

I give him a questioning look, not following what he's trying to get at. He bites his lip and looks down at the floor.

"Um," he mumbles nervously. When his eyes finally meet mine, they sparkle in a way I've never seen before. He searches my face for a moment, inhaling softly but deeply as if he was preparing to tell me the biggest secret of his life.

He exhales slowly before dipping down and leaning in to press his lips against mine.