Pleasure

Chapter Forty-Two

I lay on Jacob's chest, listening to the constant thud of his heartbeat. His finger goes up and down on my shoulder as his breaths blow my hair away from my forehead.

"Aria," he whispers. I look up at him, giving him my attention. "I love you, you know that right?" I gaze into his eyes for a moment before nodding. I adjust my head back on his chest and continue listening to his heart.

"Do you still love me?" His question makes me snap my head his way. I search his face. He looks sad and sober.

My eyes flicker for a second before I say, "I do." He releases a relieved breath. "How come every time we're okay, someone or something has to go ruin it?"

He props up, and I roll onto my back and look up at him. He pushes hair behind my ear and pinches his lips together.

"I don't know," he confesses. "I really don't. But I don't want Courtney getting in the way anymore. She's relentless but I don't want her hurting you anymore."

I look down and run my finger along the top of his arm. I bite my lip and gape up at him. "What does she know that I don't?"

His green eyes pierce down at me, as if my question was forbidden. He rolls over and sits up and I watch as he intensely stares down at his hands. He gets up, grabs some clothes, and throws them on quickly. I wrap the covers around my body and stare at him.

"I don't think we belong together." His statement instantly makes my eyes flicker from disbelief.

"What?"

"I don't mean it like that, Aria. I just mean I'm no good for you. Ever since I came into your life I've just ruined things for you. You're smart and wise, and I'm a complete mess. I don't deserve you." He drops his head and shakes it in defeat. "People like you don't need people like me around. It will only make things worst."

"People like me?" I question.

"Yes, Aria. People with .. things going for them. People with an actual future and goals." I scrunch my face together as my brain begins to put together the pieces of what he means.

"Jacob, I'm not a better person than you."

"Bullshit!" He yelps and looks up at me. He inhales deeply, shutting his eyes and pulling himself together. "Aria, if you only knew the half-"

"Then tell me Jacob!" I yell, making his eyes snap at me. "I'm tired of the mystery and the secrets, tell me what's so bad about you!"

"Aria." He warns in a low, dark tone.

"I am not scared of you!" I bark.

"Why?!" His voice goes harsh very quickly, making my arguments choke in my throat. "Be scared, Aria! I'm a bad fucking person and I don't know why you don't see that!" I bite the inside of my cheek and stare up at him, unable to speak.

"Get dressed." He demands. I furrow my eyebrows at him, not moving. "I'm serious, get dressed." He exits the room for a moment and returns with my clothes.

I do as I'm told and get dressed. He stays leaning against the wall, staring down at the floor and not saying a word. Once I'm finished, I jump up from the bed and look at him.

"Come with me." He bounces off the wall and starts walking out of the room. I quickly stumble behind him. He grabs a jacket and his car keys and opens the door, waiting for me to leave. Once I'm out, he shuts the door behind him and we start walking to his car.

"Where are we going?" I ask. He unlocks the doors and climbs inside, not answering my question. I get in on the other side and he starts the car immediately.

We drive silently and I try to recognize my surroundings to pin a destination on this journey, but I come up empty. I look over at Jacob, who clenches the steering wheel tight and stares coldly ahead.

We go down a dirt road and pull over. I look over at him, seeing as we're in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I ask, looking around the car taking in the sketchy environment.

"Aria, I do things." He mumbles, staring at the steering wheel. I let out a nervous laugh, not understanding. His eyes pierce darkly at me. "I do bad things."

"Like what, Jacob?"

He sighs and says, "I do shit for money, Aria." He looks at me for an answer, but I can't conjure one up. "I sell things and I ... hurt people for money."

"What? What do you mean?" I stutter.

"I make runs for my uncle and his business so I can pay the bills on my house. It started out as just something for side cash, but then he gave me the job for real. I don't even know why I took, aside from all the money I get. It was okay, then I started doing some fucked up shit." He tosses his head back and rubs his eyes. He opens his eyes and looks at me. "Aria, I hurt people. I do all of this for a living and I can't get out of this. I'm stuck in this forever, Aria. That's why you need to get away from me. I'm not good for you, I'll only drag you down."

I try to make sense of all of this, but my mind is running wild. I can't understand why he would do this.

"Why would you hurt people, Jacob?" I inquire in a soft tone.

He shakes his head with watery eyes. "Because my uncle tells me to. You don't cross a guy like him, the only reason he trusts me so much is because my dad was in charge."

"Your dad was in charge?"

"My dad ... did much worst than Don. My dad ran everything. He always told me never join Don when he died. I should've listened, but when my dad died ... I completely lost it. He was shot by another drug dealer, someone high up. When my family found out, I hit my lowest point. I was really alone, the rest of my family was already gone. I had nothing else to live for, Aria. I didn't care about anything anymore.

"So I went out with Don and a bunch of other men ... I didn't want it to go as far as it did. I just wanted to scare them. I had already been to jail, I didn't want to go back. But seeing him made me so angry..." With every sentence, his words become more shaky and unstable. His lip quivers as he relives the horrors of that night. I'm scared to hear the rest, but I want to know. My curiosity is getting the best of me.

"What did you do?" I scarcely ask. He looks at me and tilts his head a little. He reaches over me and goes into the glove compartment. He shuffles for a moment before pulling out a black and slightly shiny piece of metal. My eyes finally adjust as I realize what he has in his hand.

"I killed him with this gun."