Hidden Beast

21. The Feelings

Jasper

This morning something were different. I felt that as soon as I stepped into the training hall.

The night has been hard, I had been awake most of the night tryingng to save the two cubs.

One died, out of six only one survived. The loss clearly showed on Kaden and Sheila at the morning.

When I wrapped the little puppy in a cloth and took the wolves out no one seemed to be happy as they used to be as soon as they got out of the room.

They only rested lazily and did their business before we returned to my rooms after half an hour, usually it took one hour more and gave us grumpy guards the rest of the day.

The wolves seemed to sink back and grieve as I left them in the room though, trying to take care of their only baby left and pick themselves up after the deaths.

I felt down myself but no one seemed to notice, my father had been furious at breakfast as I had left the training yesterday but surprisingly he had stopped when he had caught up to me feeling bad.

No one knew me good enough to notice the slight change in me as I didn't feel good, normally not even my father would notice but he did.

No one had attempted to talk to me this week an couple of days I had been on the castle, they had probably caught up on me.

I used to be to myself, I didn't like other people. Actually I didn't like humans. Everyone had their way of lying and deceiving. Everyone were false.

Animals weren't. They couldn't lie nor did they have reason to. That's why I had always preferred animals company rather than humans.

They were faithful and true. They weren't confusing as humans could be even if they couldn't talk I understood them better, much better.

My head snapped up as a familiar voice began talking, I hadn't even noticed the loud bell had begun as the clock had reached another hour and the beginning of the training.

As always the sight of Ruby calmed me, her voice sent a warmth surging through me. I didn't know why I felt like this but it felt wonderful tough a voice whispered I shouldn't feel like this, it was wrong. It felt right.

I listened to her soft voice as she talked, I didn't register any words tough and had no idea of what she was talking about.

Suddenly her eyes met mine and she stared at me before her expression turned grief and she looked almost...disappointed?

Why were she dissapointed? Or was it me reading her expression wrong? I felt my cheeks heat up and broke away from her gaze.

When the almost trance like state I had been in were broken I finally understood what she talked about and my body went rigid as my blood froze.

Test, she were talking about the test. That's when I noticed the trainin hall were empty, no equipment or weapons for training.

The test was today and it was outside. I didn't now why the thought of the year being outdoors scared me but it did. Why would the test be held outdoors?

They had said the test would be held this week but I hadn't realized it would be held today, with almost only one week of training.

Then I caught up on the word eliminated and as I listened in I realized I had no idea about how this games actually were.

I had never seen it and it was few words about it that got out, it was a thing only for the richest and most powerful in the kingdom.

With a special invitation people from other kingdoms could be welcomed into the games. This competition or game or whatever didn't even really have a name. Some people called it competition and some called it game but really it didn't have an official name.

I found myself idiotically wondering about that. I had other things to worry about, like trying to come up with a plan or a tactic to maybe make it through the test but I felt so nervous I couldn't focus about that as I only felt like throwing up by the thought of getting eliminated.

I'm not out after winning but I didn't want to get eliminated in the first test, that would be incredibly embarrassing and my dad would be incredibly disappointed and angry with me.

No other words found its way to my brain, shifting uneasily at my spot I felt the sounds around me like a distant noise.

My stomach churned and I felt like vomiting but I held it in, the humiliation if I threw up in front of all this important people would kill me.

Hopefully no one would look at me, it was no doubt I looked awful and pale. The test were soon and the others were probably trying to figure out what it would contain and tried to prepare themselves as I struggled to keep my breakfast down.

Ruby

Everyone had left the room on my command. The overconfident and nervous competitors had followed my orders and we're in their way outside to a flat ground were their first test would be held.

Some strode confidently out the door and some were pale and scared as they followed some guards and the other family members and friends followed them to look.

I should be the only one left, locking the doors and following the others out to observe the test when the judge would decide together with me and the royal family wich would be eliminated.

But I weren't alone in the training hall. Jasper were there. He stared out into nothing, pale and with big eyes with dark circles under. He were probably nervous and tired.

Maybe he had been up all night, I had noticed the sorrow in his eyes and I guessed not every baby had arrived alive.

His staring scared me tough, it was as if he weren't there and an urge to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything would be okay became almost overpowering.

I placed a hand on his shoulder and forced myself to look into his non seeing eyes. "Jasper?" I asked him gently. Trying to get him back to me.

Shaking his shoulder softly I said his name again and this time he blinked rapidly and then his gaze focused on me.

He looked surprised and looked around the room in confusion. He hadn't noticed when everyone left.

"Are you okay?" I asked him worriedly, maybe he shouldn't be attending the competition. He didn't seem to feel well.

He looked down to the floor as he nodded and blushed. I were shocked, why did he blush? He looked to be embarrassed and that's when I understood.

He didn't want his trainer to think he were weak and didn't dare to do the test. With a painful stab on the heart I shook his shoulder again, he didnt See Me as anything other than a trainer.

I don't know why that hurt because he had no reason to see me as anything else, he shouldn't see me as anything else. Then why did it hurt so much?

He looked back to at me "Come on then, the others are waiting" I said and turned my back in him.

I didn't want to look him in the eyes, I didn't even felt embarrassed by this just disappointed. I shouldn't feel like that, I should feel guilty.

He followed me out and I got a feeling he still looked down in the floor, not wanting eye contact.

Locking the doors I began walking down the corridor and I were painfully aware of every sound he made as he fell into steps behind me.