Married Yet still a Virgin

Chapter 3

"I am sorry about the past few nights," his tone was weary as he pulled off his work shoes and eased back against the cushions in the sofa. They had been married for a week now and she still had yet to taste what it was like to be with her husband physically. She had gone back to work amidst congratulations and envious looks from her co-workers and had taken everything with a smile. She had worked with him in the theater and watched as he managed himself skillfully and could not help but feel proud that he was her husband. he was a great surgeon but he was a lousy husband!

"Is it me?" she asked him softly. "Is there something about me that turns you off? Am I not attractive enough?"

"You think this is about you?" he asked her harshly feeling the guilt crowding him in. He had rushed over from the hospital a few times to be with Jerome and make it back there but he could not be with her. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl. What the hell had he done? "I have lost four patients on the operating table just in one week!" his voice had risen stridently. He had come home a little early for a change and she had ridden with him in silence. "One of them was a little girl not quite nine years old. The other a husband and wife."

"I am fully aware of it Peter. I was there remember?" she pulled the nightgown over her head and turned to look at him. Michael had disappeared out of her life and not even text messages from him. She was afraid to confide in her best friend because she was so ashamed so everything was bottled up inside her. "That does not give you leave to ignore me. I am your wife for crying out loud. You have not touched me since the wedding and I am wondering what is wrong?"
"Leave it alone Camille. You got what you always wanted right?" he asked her bitterly. "You are Mrs. Peter Grayson, I thought that would be enough for you."

Camille stared at him in shock not full able to believe that he had just said that to her! "is that what you think? That I just married you to get the name? I love you Peter and I have loved you for a long time! I want to be a wife to you but you will not allow me. I don't get to cook because that is taken care of by the chef. I don't get to pick your clothes out because you do it yourself. I don't know my role here in this household because I am not allowed to do anything. We are like roommates and we do not even talk. What kind of a marriage is this?"

"A perfectly normal marriage," he got to his feet. "I am tired and drained Camille and I need time to sort these things through my head. I am here for you when I can be but work takes everything out of me." 

"Are you seeing someone else?" she said the dreaded words and found herself quaking as she waited for the answer.
"What?" he turned and looked at her startled.

"Is there someone else?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he said sharply. "When would I find the time?"

"In my estimation whenever someone wants to cheat they are able to find the time."
"The hospital takes up all of my time Camille and you know that."

"I saved myself for you Peter," she said passionately, the tears very near. "I love you more than my life and I just want us to have a perfect marriage."

"You reach for the impossible," he told her quietly and with regret. "There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and I never asked you to save yourself for me." with that he turned and went into the bathroom.

Camille stood rooted to the spot, the tears coursing down her cheeks. He did not love her! She had thought he did but she had been so wrong! With a tortured sob she rushed into one of the other bedrooms and locked the door behind her. 

Peter heaved a sigh of relief when he came out of the bathroom and find her gone. He had tried. he had thought that maybe he could do it with her at least one time for the week to satisfy both her and his parents. His father had asked him bluntly about the wedding night one evening he had cornered him at the hospital.

"So how did it go?"

"What?"

"The bedding of your bride?"

He had looked at the older man with scarcely concealed contempt and had almost told him to go to hell.

"We were tired so it did not happen.

"A man is never too tired to screw son. So tell me something else." he had said crudely.

"Is that all that is important to you?"

"Of course," he had looked at him with a smirk. "You could not get it up?"

"You are disgusting!" Peter had hissed.

"If you want I can do the job for you. I don't think your mother would mind."

Peter had walked away from him with his shoulders stiff with disapproval. He wished he could just say to hell with everything and go on his own but the money his parents had belonged to him and he had no intention of doing without it!

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Michael saw the call and ignored it yet again. He could not talk to her. If he did he would break down and confess what he was going through. He missed her. he missed talking to her. he missed her laugh and the way they could talk about anything. He missed being with her and above all he was aching for her. he had tried being with someone else but it had failed dismally and he had not tried again. Christ he was in love with a married woman! he laughed harshly and grabbed hold of his hair, digging his fingers into his scalp. What a sick state of affairs. He was in love with her and she was in love with him and he had no idea who the bastard was in love with! "Oh Cam," he whispered longingly. "Why did you not see me?"

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"You look like hell," Diane said bluntly as she took her seat at the opposite end of the table. She had insisted they meet for lunch and Camille had reluctantly agreed.

"I can always depend on you to keep me straight," Camille said dryly.

"That's what friends are for honey." Diane signaled for the waitress to place their order. "What are having?"

"Just a plain soup for me thanks."

"Wait are you pregnant?" she asked in excitement.

"What?" Camille looked at her startled and felt like laughing out loud.

"You look peaked and you have lost weight. Maybe you are pregnant. have you checked it out?"

"I am not pregnant." she said sharply feeling as if she wanted to die. She should be pregnant but she was living with a husband who could not bear to look at her much less touch her!

"You are sure?"

"Diane drop it. I am not carrying a child."

"Then it is something else then. What is it?" She persisted.

"It's work." she lied quickly. "I have seen so many losses that I am not sure I can take anymore."

Diane looked at her quizzically. "You have been a trauma nurse for quite some time now honey. It is just now getting to you?"

"There was a pile up on the freeway. Some died on the operating table but there was this one girl we thought was going to make it. She had her insides crushed by the air bag but the doctors operated and stopped the internal bleeding. She woke up and was talking and it looked like she was going to pull through but she died last night. A blood clot to her lungs that had not been noticed. She had a two year old daughter."

"Oh honey I am so sorry," Diane reached across the table to touch her hands.

"Life is so short and uncertain that we should not spend one day of it being unhappy."

"I agree with you." Diane felt the atmosphere of despair coming by in waves. "You have to snap out of it honey. Things like these happen."

"I know," she smiled suddenly. "I am off for the weekend. How about taking in a movie?"