Dealing with life!

Mistake

I'm a mistake. I always have been, always will be. Like I explain in basically every chapter, I fucked up. This time it was real bad. It brought me to the pain of when your laughing so much that your stomach aches. That's what I got, except with crying instead. It got so bad to the point where I was screaming into my pillow praying that the person I care about the most in the entire world would stop being pissed at me.

The day started fine except it was a Wednesday, so I was dreading the day anyway. We had sport for the first 2 periods and we played rugby for the first. Usually in the morning I don't do anything for the first 20 minutes as it's too early for me to be running and I just can't be bothered. After that I usually get into it. Today I just couldn't. I felt so sick and tired that my eyes started to water. Then I had to hold on to Leanne because I started getting dizzy and I was about to fall over. I didn't try for the rest of the game because I was too sick. We then had a theory lessons and I started to get a headache and feel worse so I decided I was gonna go home at recess. I then texted Chloe and said I was going home and she got really pissed at me so I got pissed at her as she hates Wednesdays and has heaps of then off and then we met up and she said she wasn't walking with me to get picked up so I walked to the car and started crying quietly so my mum couldn't hear.

I then slept for basically the rest of the day and felt fine so I said I would go to work. I was at work and I started to feel worse than I did at school so I went home early because I was stumbling over like a drunk person because I was so dizzy. I got home and started texting Chloe as she asked if I was at work. I then asked her why she was pissed at me for going home when I was actually sick and she said I was over reacting because apparently she feels like that everyday and she deals with it. She then continued to have a go at me by calling me a wuss. We have been arguing ever since until not long ago when we found out that Leanne is going out to a movie that we have been wanting to see for ages with some guy and Chloe started texting me that she was pissed while I was in the shower bawling my eyes out choking on the water because I was so angry at myself for making Chloe mad and pissed at me. When I got home from work I was still pissed rather than upset so I did talk back to her and I regret that now as she hates me more than she already does. When she said she was pissed about the movie thing to me I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make her pissed more than she already was so I just didn't say anything.

After my shower I was still bawling my eyes out and I tried to talk to Leanne about to situation and what I should do. She then started talking to me about her movie thing to see if I was pissed and I wasn't because I was just so upset and I was shaking so much that i was pissed at myself that I couldn't be mad at her. She did try to help me and told me to talk to Chloe which I did but she was still pissed. I tried to sort it out by texting her when she got pissed so I started bawling my eyes out more because she was still pissed and then she started talking to me about how she was upset that no one will ever ask her out or date her and I didn't answer as I didn't want her getting pissed. Turns out that was the wrong choice as she now thinks that I don't care about her. Anyway we got over the argument a bit as we both thought each other were pissed but we weren't. She then sent me screenshots of when she was pissed and a message that stood out to me is one that she says to Leanne saying that "I want to die because of her". Which really makes me think about killing my self right in this very moment, or at least relieving a bit of pain with the sharp sting of a blade sliding across my skin.

Any way that's my updated chapter for now of what else I managed to fuck up.  

Stay Alive | - /

Unless your me because you should kill yourself you worthless piece of shit.