Dealing with life!

YEAR 9

So, year 9, 2015 was a really hard year for me. Here's why.
So before it started I had been arguing with Leanne for a while over the holidays because I would spend more time on YouTube then I would talking to her. That's how it all started, we were arguing over this stupid thing for a few months. School started and we were in year 9. We had gotten over this argument finally but we would just have little arguments through the whole year. This is when I met Leanne's friend, let's call her Chloe. So the two of them would gang up on me and blame everything on me. So I decided to gang up on them with our other friend we met that year, let's call her rose. So being dumb little year 9's we would gang up on each other and have arguments on messenger like every week or even every day. Like it would always be something stupid like who's smarter or who's right and who's wrong. By the end of the year the fights were beginning to be about the same thing. Who was allowed to sit next to Chloe. So Chloe is the funny one of the group. (No offence to the others, you know who you are). So we would always fight over who got to sit next to her in class. I began to become close to Chloe and wanted to sit next to her but Leanne made sure she was the one to sit next to her and wouldn't let anybody else sit next to her because she said that she has k own her since primary school and that she is closer with her so she HAS to sit next to her. (Sorry this made no sense but oh well). These fights were so dumb, but every time we would make up and become friends again like every high school student does. Anyway, it got to the point where I started becoming depressed and this is when it starts getting heavy. 

If you are triggered by self harm don't read this part.

So there's this kid that everyone hates, let's called him Jack. So all the attention from me and my friends was on him and watching what he was doing. He was cutting. Everyone said he was attention seeking by doing and i thought to myself, "that's a good idea." So the next day, i did it. I mostly did it for attention, but i was still hurting from all things with my friends that have been going on, but i didn't want to hurt myself i just wanted people to know that i was hurting and show them how much i was struggling. So I cut my wrists with my scissors in class the next day. My friends told me to stop but I didn't want to. I did it some more at home because I wanted people to see it (I know it sounds dumb but I just wanted to do it, I was a stupid little year 9). I don't really remember this part but I'm pretty sure I showed everyone the next day, or I atleast told them.

Throughout the rest of the year I was depressed. I cut my wrists at home and didn't tell anyone. I put on a fake smile through all of the little arguments I had with Leanne and Chloe. I would pretend that I was strong and that I was right for every argument, which I was, but I pretended to be strong all the time, I wasn't. I just wasn't. I started to tell my best friend, who I have known since I was 7. We are best friends and I would always FaceTime her, like everyday. I eventually told her that I was cutting. She was so disappointed and worried about me so she told my mum. So I didn't know that she had been told until the day she and dad called me into their room. I got called into their room but I had no idea. I wasn't worrying or stressed about them knowing. I thought they wouldn't find out. They did. They asked me why and told me off which just made me feel worse. Honestly the cuts weren't even bad, they didn't even bleed they were just tiny, tiny scratches. After that I don't remember doing it again.

I started to get happier towards the end of the year as we didn't have any more little arguments as often as we used to. I was still working on it though. I was working on recovering from my depression stage. I never really got tested or anything for it so I don't really know if it was, but that is what It felt like anyway. I was always sad all the time and nothing could really ever cheer me up. Anyway I started getting better with and could controls emotions more. So basically by the end of the year I was happier and I could feel that I was getting better with it. 

That's it for this chapter next i will be writing about year 10 but it will only be a small chapter.