Dealing with life!

So much can happen in just a year.😭

So this is gonna be really fucking hard to write but I'm gonna try my best to get through it without crying.
So last week was one of the worst weeks of my life. On the 2nd of June something terrible happened. I got into a fight with one of my best friends. I thought it was gonna be a normal fight that we always have but at the end of it she told me her address and said that's where you can return my house key. It was a stupid fight over friends and shit because we get told that we leave her out when we invite her everywhere but she's always busy and then goes and hangs out with popular people. Anyway so it ended and now we both have blocked each other on everything. Last week was extremely hard especially because I had four overnight shifts. When I have overnights all I do is clean so it forces me to think and every second of every hour I'd be holding back tears. I'd think of all the memories we've had and how much I'm going to miss them. Then I'd think about something else until one tiny thing happens and it reminds me of her. It just wasn't that week though, this week has been hard to for the same reasons. Like last night i had overnight and they played sam smith and we went to his concert together, and then someone gave me a lot of change and it reminds me of when I visited her at work and have them heaps of change and she was pissed at me. Like little thinks would cause me to think and eventually something would remind me of her and I'd have to fight back the tears. Yesterday was really hard though because i fully broke down at work and because there are only two other people on they didn't see thank god. But I was full on crying and I had to wipe away the tears as a car was driving towards my window.
This time last year we were the closest we have ever been because our other friend moved country. It was a hard time when she left. I remember she would start crying during lunch the last week of year 11 and then I would start crying, but at least we had each other. We started getting closer and closer until we were together 24/7. I was driving to her house every weekend, getting food, going shopping and having sleepovers. All we did was see each other and when people wouldn't see me on her Snapchat or her on my Snapchat it would be weird. We were known as the bestest of friends and everyone knew that. We still had our problems but what friendship doesn't. We struggled through our last year of high school together and throughout that year I became closer to her family and she got a dog and her dog loved me most of the time and everything was great. Of course there would be the times where we'd have an argument and I wouldn't have any one to hangout with because she was all I had and my other best friend was on the other side of the world. We'd eventually become friends again and everything was great. We had so many fucking memories throughout that last year of school it was unbelievable. So much happened at school and outside of school that will forever be in my brain. All the memories of the boys at school messing around. It was so funny to watch that and having her by my side was the best. We were the friends that everyone knew as inseparable. It's been a year now and so much has changed. Once we left high school she became closer to a girl she had become friends with around year 11. They weren't really all that close throughout high school but once school finished and our other friend came to live back in Australia they are now best friends. They are the new inseparable friends. They are always together and like us a year ago I'm guessing they have so many memories together. I know friends grow apart but we should all be friends still right, even if you hangout with another friend more. Well it's like she's thrown our 5 years of friendship down the drain like it meant nothing to her. Our friendship is gone and I'm gonna have to try and live with it because she's obviously forgotten about all the memories we've had together.
People always say how a friendship ending is harder than a relationship ending and because this has happened to me I can tell you it's a lot harder than I could have ever imagined. I miss her so much. There's been nights when I try to sleep and all I do is cry because I miss her so unbelievably much. It also doesn't help that I know that she doesn't give two shits that our friendship is gone. She's gonna keep partying hard with all her new friends and probably won't even think about us at all. So anyway it's just hard knowing that I'm crying myself to sleep most nights when all she's doing is getting drunk every weekend and not even thinking of us.
Stay alive everyone ||-//