Dealing with life!

Never

I love when my life is never gonna get better. It's not like it's getting worse but I just can't help but lessen myself. People say just love yourself. Like how the fuck am I meant to just love myself when I'm the ugliest human being on the planet. And people also say it's not about what's on the outside it's about what's on the inside, like what if the inside is ugly too. Both of my friends are struggling so much right now and I don't know what to do to help them. I message them and ask them what I can do but I just can't seem to help. I'm just such a useless friend and I'm so over my life being this bad. I thought that once school finished and I had my friend back it would be all happy and rainbows but I now know that it's not that easy. Something can't just happen and I'm automatically happy again. Like having her back has helped a lot but it's also made it harder because she's going through so much shit right now but I just don't know how to help. I try to be there for her and I try to hang out with her as much as possible because I know it helps the both of us but now I have overnight at work and it's fucking up sleeping pattern to where I need to sleep all day and it's so stressful because I have so much to do and then I'm always staying back and my last overnight was so hard because the store manager came in and it was like my 4th or 5th overnight so I was still getting used to it and he yelled at me saying it looks like my overnight hadn't been done. He literally watched my scrub the floors and told me they look disgusting and that I had to do them again. Anyway moving on. I just need to get this all out and I know everyone who reads this is gonna think st least this isn't happening to you or it could be worse but honestly I just need to get this out and just because something bad isn't happening in my life doesn't mean I'm faking my depression or whatever. Some people don't realise that when you have depression it can get really bad for no reason and you can feel really fucking horrible about everything and feel like nothing is worth it even though nothing bad is happening in your life. Anyway I should stop 'attention seeking' now. Stay alive everyone ||-//