Reckless- A Jc Caylen Fan Fiction

Chapter 45

Ali´s pov

"Good night Jc." I said and went straight to bed. I could barely look at him without feeling bad, because of what I've done. I was waiting for him to say something, or ask me something, but he was quiet and fell asleep within a few minutes, which I was both happy and sad about. Or I don´t know if I was happy, but relieved. At the same time, I of course wanted to lie and cuddle with him, just not right now. I lay for a long time and thought about how this day been. It had certainly not been my day today, or even the whole month, frankly it had been hell. Never had I felt as bad as now. Except now for the past week, now it had been better, but the other three weeks was the exact opposite. I felt so bad that I stayed home the whole first week. To meet him in school would have destroyed me. I didn't want to think about what he said, or what I had done. I had cried myself to sleep every night. I was completely wrecked. Bradley had tried to contact me 24/7, texted me several times a day. But I let the phone be. I couldn't even think about that night, no, that night I had made my worst mistake. How could I have let myself go so far with him? Sure, there was an incredible attraction between us two, but that I really did it with him, it was something I never thought about myself... In that moment it felt good, it felt more than good, and Bradley was constantly careful and gentle, while he whispered loving things to me. But immediately afterwards came the guilt. Bradley tried to persuade me that Jc deserved it, he was better for me, but I just couldn't. So I took my stuff and left him right away. I had neither met nor spoken to him since. I regretted what I did that night, more than anything I´ve ever done. I knew that Jc would hate me if I told him, so I couldn't. I wanted to tell him, because I didn't want any secrets for him, but this secret was too big and too horrible. I heard Jc’s heavy breaths and he turned around as he put his arm around me, his body was tightly against mine but I couldn´t relax, thought about Bradley was all in my thoughts. I wished I never met him, or not have agreed to take a coffee with him. I should´ve stopped seeing him when I felt there was an attraction between us, because I knew that he was bad news. I had felt so bad about it, and I was still mad at Jc so I didn't want to meet him, not anyone. But I must admit that it gave a sort of confidence boost to get such attention from the two gorgeous guys, I am not lying about that. But I was ashamed. I was not that kind of girl. I had always been she who stood a little in the background, didn´t make so much noise from. And now I was here, with Jc Caylen as my boyfriend, and Bradley Tanner, as… well I don't know. I knew what people said behind my back, I had heard them in school, but I had ignored them, Jc had said that it was just jealousy and that I shouldn´t let it get to me. But I was not like him. He was used to getting such attention, I neither wasn´t nor I wanted to get the attention. My head was full of thoughts and I could really not fall asleep, so I went carefully up out of bed and went to sit out on the back with a blanket around me.

When I had decided to meet Jc again after three-four weeks I had been extremely nervous, I don't know why, but I really didn't know what to expect. Then I had missed him enormously, being without him had almost been indispensable. I missed falling asleep beside him, waking up next to him, I was missing him. But now I had him again, but I still couldn´t enjoy it fully. I leaned my head back against the wall in frustration and sighed loudly. Why was I so stupid? Damn it Ali, you can´t let Bradley destroy what you have with Jc, I thought. Am I happy? Of course I'm happy. But am I really, really happy? I don´t know. I mean I love him. And yes, it was worth fighting for, he was worth fighting for. I picked up my phone and saw that I had received another text from Bradley, he wanted to see me, as he had written the past few days. After I wrote to him that I had gone back to Jc, he wanted to meet me, probably to try and persuade me to choose him instead, but it was something I would never do. I ignored his text and looked out over the garden.

"Hey babe, why are you sitting out here?" I suddenly heard Jc ask. I turned around and saw him standing in nothing but underwear with his hair all messy.