Together by faith

Chapter 4.

I don't know what's worst. The fact that I got fired from my babysitting job today or the fact that Raphael beat me for it. When I woke up this morning, this wasn't really how I thought this day would turn out. One good thing happened at least. This Alexander guy texted me and told me that he had found my number in his favourite book, that also is my favourite book. What a coincidence, isn't it? Anyways, I felt nice today so I let him keep it until he has finished it. Then I want it back. Currently, I was standing in the shower, letting the hot water stroll down my cold body. I tried to ignore the constant pain that came from my newly wounds, but it was almost impossible to keep a straight face. Honestly? This is not the life I want. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel happy. I'm tired of looking myself in the mirror and see tears rolling down my blood stained cheeks. Trust me, I have never thought about killing myself, but what if it is my only way to accomplish happiness? Like my stepfather once told me, I'm the spawn of Lucifer. No one is ever going to love me the way I deserve to be loved. Anyways, after about 40 minutes in the shower, I decided that it was enough. I dried my body and thereafter I dressed in a pair of black jeans with a dark green t-shirt. Since it was late in the evening and I had nowhere to go, I didn't put any make up on or fixed my hair. I was too tired for that. Instead, I laid down on my bed and took out my phone. Like always, nothing. I wonder what Alexander is doing right now? Should I text him and ask him about the book, or is that being too forward? I mean, I don't want to seem like a freak. Fuck it, you only live once, right?

"Hello, Alexander. Enjoying the book so far?"

"Hey, Magnus. Honestly? I love this book so much and I can't get enough of it. I agree that it can be kinda scary sometimes, but that just makes the book even better"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that you like the book. It makes me feel a little bit better that I lost it"

"Since I found the book in a library New York, I assume that you live here too?"

"Yeah, Brooklyn"

"Wow, really? I could guess that we lived close to each other, but that not close"

"It's a small world"

"You're right about that. Anyways, how has your day been?"

"Handful"

"Ah, tell me about it. Are you also studying at college?"

"Not really. I got fired from one of my jobs today"

"You're already working? That's cool, but what do you mean by one of your jobs? You have more than one?"

"Well, I had three"

"Man, that must be exhausting. How are you even surviving?"

"I'm not"

"You get used to it after a while. Besides, I really need the money"

"May I ask what jobs you have or is that too personal?"

"I'm not a prostitute if that's what you're wondering"

"Uh, I wasn't"

"Oh my god, don't worry. I'm just messing with you. I'm working at a nightclub, a coffee shop and today I got fired from my babysitting job"

"Nightclub? That seems legit. Which one is it. I mean, is it in Brooklyn?"

"Yeah. It's called Pandemonium"

"YOU'RE WORKING THERE? I HAVE BEEN THERE A HUNDRED TIMES"

"You have?"

"Yes! I mean, I basically hate it because I'm not a party person, but before I started college my siblings brought me there every weekend"

"Sounds lovely. Are you still going there or was it a one time thing?"

"I haven't been there in a while. When I moved out, I lost contact with my family"

"I'm sorry, Alexander"

"Don't worry about it, Magnus. What about you? Are you living with your family?"

"I need to go, I'm sorry"

"Oh my god. Please don't tell me that I upset you?"

"No, you didn't. I just have a lot of things to do at the moment. We'll talk another time"

"Oh, okay. Bye, Magnus"

"Bye, Alec"

I threw my phone away and once again, tears started making their way down my cheeks. Did he have to mention family? I mean, I can't blame him. He don't know the truth about me or my past. It's just, whenever someone ask me about it, it being back all the bad memories I have. Ugh, now I'm never going to be able to fall asleep. Damn tears. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours. The sun had disappeared completely for today and the full moon was shining through my bedroom window. My mind wandered away to another universe. A universe where I was born in another family, a happy family. A universe where I didn't hate myself and a universe where I didn't feel so god damn lonely. My eyes started feeling heavier for every second that passed and with a happier life on my mind, I fell asleep.

Hey guys😘 I'm sorry for being slow at updating but I'm going through a hard time right now. I hope you're all doing okay. I love you❤️

STAY AWESOME

-Mathilda

If you guys didn't get it, the text message that is lined is what Magnus wrote, but didn't send