Yet Again History Repeats Itself (Completed)

Chapter 58: Blink Of An Eye, It All Changes

Walking away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Each step I was taking I felt my heart ache. How can I even live if part of my heart is gone. I got to the waiting room and I just didn't know what to say. Casper came up to me and hugged me. Feeling his arms around me made me breakdown again. He would just hug me more tight. I knew he was crying too cause I felt his tears on my shirt. After my breakdown my tears were coming out slowly now then we finally talked. My voice was raspy.

"What do we do now" I asked.

He sighed and we both went to sit down. "You know what we do now also your mom was telling me if we wanted to do an autopsy to know what happened" said Casper.

"No we are not going to do that" I said.

"Babe come on" said Casper.

I pushed him off me "I said no and that's final" I said getting up and walking away.

"He's my son too and I'll consent to them doing it I need to know what happened" said Casper.

I turned to him "I don't care if he's your son also but you will not consent to that shit you hear me Casper! I will not allow no one to open up my son just so you can know what happened! Knowing won't bring him back" I said pissed as my tears dropped as I kept wiping them off. I turned around away and I just walked away from everyone.

I walked to the cafeteria and I just got water and I sat down. I was just staring at my cup. For the first time in a long time I feel empty inside. My demons were coming out. The voices in my head were invading my thoughts. It was way to much to handle. I wanted everything to stop. How the hell am I suppose to go on. Seriously how... I put my head down and I cried silently. I miss his cries his laughs his smiles his touch I miss everything about my boy.

I felt someone touch my shoulder.

"I'm sorry we don't have to do it" said Casper.

"Don't be sorry and okay" I said.

He picked me up and embraced me "we will get through this together" said Casper.

"I hope so" I whispered.

We went to look for the doctors and we had to sign paperwork I was so overwhelmed with this all. I didn't even want to be here anymore. I didn't want to sign anything. I didn't want to believe what happened. My greatest nightmare became my reality with just a blink of an eye. We still had a few things to discuss and thankfully my parents stepped in and took care of it for us cause quiet honestly I didn't want to deal with anything. Forever thankful I'll be for them doing this for me. Once we got done we left back home...

It doesn't feel the same going back home. I feel alone without my son it feels oh so wrong not bringing him back. I want him back. Please give me my son back. I'll do anything just to have him once again. We pulled up to the driveway and I broke down once again. I didn't want to get down. I couldn't get down. Not without my baby. It feels so wrong. How can I do this. I feel so heartless trying to live my life without him. Just take me. Let me be with my son. A life without my son is a life I don't want to live...

Casper was just holding me and then he took me out the car and we went inside.

"No I don't want to go inside" i cried out.

"Babe we can't stay outside" said Casper.

"I can't, I just can't go inside not without my baby" I said.

So we sat down in the front porch in the bench they had. I was shivering it was getting cold.

"Come on let's go inside now your cold" said Casper.