Yet Again History Repeats Itself (Completed)

Chapter 60: Saying Goodbye

I closed my eyes as I kept pushing in deeper...... my hand started to shake. I couldn't do it. I wanted to but I just couldn't. I broke down then I got up washed my face and went back out. After a while me and Casper finally left back home. His family was in the living room and I just ignored them all and left to the room while Casper stayed behind to talk to them. I changed into more comfortable clothes and I just went to bed. I was facing Jays crib just staring at it wishing he was there. I was just thinking of my sweet little boy and it was making me cry. Memories of him was coming to mind. Just like the time when I was at my moms and she had this gold star balloon and I was walking by i hit the balloon and he started to laugh like it was the funniest thing ever. It made me smile huge at the time I took my phone out to record this moment because his laugh was the cutest thing ever. So I did it several times and he was just cracking up laughing at this point me and my mom are laughing also cause it was just so cute. Or the time when I was changing his diaper and he gave me my first golden shower it was nasty at the time but I'd do anything for that to happen again. I remembered all those times he'd fall asleep on top of my chest it was the most peaceful thing ever. So many memories we had together. So many... it was just making me cry wanting him back again. I'm hurting so bad I just can't take it anymore. I was yelling and screaming so loud and no one was hearing me cause I wouldn't make any noise. Why am I living if I feel like I'm dying. I can't handle this. Eventually I cried myself to sleep. I didn't even know when Casper came inside.

The next day.

My mom came over and she woke me up.

"Come on you need to get up to get ready" said my mom.

I shook my head no and I covered myself.

She took the covers off "I know you don't want to but you have too" said my mom.

I started to cry "I don't want to mom I can't I just can't see him please mom" I said.

She hugged me "I know baby I know you don't want to see him but you have to go you need to say goodbye or else you'll regret it" said my mom.

Which she was right if I would've stayed I would've regret this. "I can't move" I said.

"It's okay I'm here to help you come on" said my mom.

She helped me get up and we walked to the restroom and she helped me take a shower. She put a towel around me and we went back to the room. Casper had taken my clothes out and it was in the bed. So my mom helped me put my clothes on. Then she brushed and did my hair. Casper came inside the room and he had shoes for me to wear that he just went and bought cause I didn't had all black shoes. He helped me put them on. He got up and hugged me.

"I love you" said Casper.

"Me too" I said.

My mom walked out the room so we could talk.

"I'm sorry" said Casper.

"Why" I asked.

"I don't know for this for everything I don't know" said Casper.

I grabbed his hand "it's not our fault this happened to us so don't you dare say you are sorry" I said trying to hold the tears.

"I know it's just I don't know I hate seeing you like this and I hate feeling this way I just want to go back in time when we both were happy and our son was still here I just i want that back" said Casper.

"I want it all back also I don't know what to say cause there's nothing anyone can say. But we will get through this somehow I won't leave your side" I said.

He hugged me and cried "please don't baby seeing you this way the past days was killing me I thought I was losing you I thought you were going to die" said Casper holding me more tight.